Dear Diary.

For as long as I could read and write with decency (hush I said with decency...not good!) I have kept a diary. In fact in a box somewhere is my Hello Kitty diary and I might even still have the key. The diary I remember getting in 4th grade from Sanrio. In 4th grade I tried to write everyday but most days I only wrote things like "I had a good day today." or "I got in trouble in Mrs. Jones' class again....not a good day". Basically I wrote about my day with occasional strife thrown in: a fight with someone or getting in trouble at school or at home or a melt down about how much I didn't want to live with my dad anymore. Overall it was simple stuff and I am so glad I still have it. My middle and high school years are basically embarrassing to read because while I don't actually remember caring much about boys...I apparently did. A lot. Oh.my.good.lord.will.you.shut.up.already. Yeah it's bad....and funny and strange because I don't remember obsessing about various boys that much. Though I tend to obsess so I suppose it should come as no surprise. One thing I do notice as I got older more issues rose and more drama. I suppose such is life. It seems we come full circle because now the older I get the less issues come about. Granted this is probably based on my choices and reactions...to both issues that arise and issues we choose to not let arise. Now when I sit down to write...or type these days my biggest decision is wether or not I should blog about the boys again, if I should write out a check list of our day, or if I should try to go rogue and talk about some other topic that doesn't really immediately affect me. I try not to always blog about the boys or our family days...but sometimes that's just all that pops into my head when I sit down to type. I come up with genius blog posts....you know when I am driving or showering or just before I crash for the night. Things that poof out of my head quicker than they got there. So then I find myself at the keyboard wondering what in the world it was I was thinking....and then going oh well. I even tried to write down ideas...but yeah...you guessed it I lost the paper. Or rather it's in one of the 23 notebooks I carry around...which is great except I seem to always have a different notebook with me.

For the most part I try not to get too emotional and personal here on the blog...I just can't bring myself to dump it out there for the world 13 of you to see. Sure from time to time I might let loose (side bar: I think this word is stupid...I do not know which one to use at the proper time lose or loose and it drives Robert crazy...sure I say it correctly but for the life of me cannot remember which to use...dumb English language and your exceptions to the rule) and let some emotions flow. But I don't need to blog every time I get angry or some one ticks me off....but then really one of the nice things about getting older is that often you learn to just let things go. That it's not worth the diary entry...that it's not that big in the whole grand scheme of life. So maybe "Dear Diary: I have nothing to bitch about today" could have been my last entry as a teenager or even truthfully as a 20 something. "Dear Diary: I get it and it's not worth it...here's what is great today....next week I will bitch...but today is awesome...." Full circle...kinda sort....almost. I am glad I am getting there.