The Crick...

We have a tiny little stream in the back yard--the boys LOVE playing in it, so when it was warm the other day the tossed on their boots and had a blast. Jakeb only lasted a little bit before he couldn't handle the muddiness anymore so he's not in many of the pictures. Gavin and Zachary were FILTHY. When the stream isn't messed with it runs clear but as soon as you start walking or poking around it gets muddy...We spent some time yesterday "dredging" it out and it sounds so nice!

Love muddy hands--when they are outside that is...

Spring is on it's way! Our backyard is littered with these and they are blooming-- love it!

Pretending it's spring

And late spring at that! The weather the past week or so has been amazing and we have been enjoying every bit of it...

Last week during their break we headed up to Murfreesboro to visit fam and enjoyed a day at Centennial Park with Robert's Mom and Ryan who brought a kite!

It was a very windy day!

Wrestling with Ryan....

Zachary can do cartwheels!

I threw the football some with Robert....I was too scared to catch this one--it hurt my hands!

A Birthday Weekend

So here are a few shots from Zman's birthday weekend. His birthday was low key this year--in that he didn't have a party but we made it awesome...in fact he announced it was the best birthday EVER. Awesome!

Getting ready to open his presents from us

One of his requests for his birthday was breakfast in bed--specifically homemade waffles.

On his birthday we headed to the GA aquarium--which was awesome and his favorite thing

On Sunday we went to Helen, GA with Grandma, Uncle Bryan, and Blanca and her girls.

The following weekend he had 2 of his friends from class spend the night and I took a few pictures but don't want to post them since I don't know how their parents would feel about that..

Photo recap

Lots of posts going to roll thru here....I am going to try to be better about posting photos now that I am not taking photos anymore (at least not very often) there is absolutely no reason why I shouldn't be picking up the camera and taking pictures of the boys regularly again AND sharing them. Instead of shoving them on the hard drive to never be seen again (side note: we had a tornado warning today so into the basement we went I grabbed the kids, the pets.....and my hard drive take the house but don't take my pictures!)

When the boys were itty bitty Robert and I would often load them up in the car and go for drives--now that they are older the obviously protest this but one day at the beginning of this month we loaded them up anyway and hit the streets! Robert was smart enough to toss their scooters in the car and we pulled over at a elementary school and let them play for a bit...and I was smart enough to bring my camera...

A mad face

Cha-ching

Something that seems to come up quite frequently when we mention that we are adopting is the cost. It's really no secret that the cost of adopting isn't low. Any quick search will give you some rough estimates of what one can expect to spend to bring a new child home.

Though aside from birthing your child at home I am fairly certain that one spends roughly the same amount having a child. What is unfortunate is that insurance does not cover adoption. Though being that the end result is the same it makes sense that maybe it should. When Jakeb was born I requested an itemized copy of the bill from the hospital--I just wanted it for reminiscing and giggling at the cost of things "back in the day". I don't remember the exact amount but it wasn't little. Also when Zachary was hospitalized a few years ago that bill was well over what we will spend to bring a new child or 2 home. Either way the fact remains that I would spend 20 grand a DAY on each child of mine if I had to.

That being said I get the concern and the questioning--but now that we are in process it's different. So for those wondering--we would have never started this process if we didn't have at least a general plan of how we would see it through. We have been very fortunate this past year and this is what we have chosen to do. In addition to paying off debt and getting in a better financial spot we are very eager to have another child or children in our lives. Very eager. We know the ramifications of having a larger family--as best we can at this point. We know that means more mouths to feed and cloth and educate. But every single bit of that is worth what we will have, what all of our children will have. Compassion, love, understanding, acceptance, and the list goes on and on. I think about it and all I can come up with is. Wow. Wow. I know it won't be picture perfect and I know that there will be ups and downs but I know we will do our very best.

So please if you know us, don't doubt us. Don't doubt our ability to love or our ability to afford this. Just know we are doing it and we will do it to the best of our ability. And we need your support and your love. Not your doubt. Check that at the door. And if you can't....well that's your loss really. Just keep it to yourself if you don't mind. Love us and love our children all of them. You won't be sorry I promise. They are fabulous...even the ones that aren't here yet. I just know it. With every fiber of my being I know this is right. It's right for us.

Staycation

This week the boys are out of school--well the big boys, or the school age 2, or just Jakeb and Zachary. I find myself often talking about them as if there are more than 3 of them. There isn't. Yet. Gavin's preschool is in a different county so technically he has school. We live in the very south western corner of our county, like our neighborhood is on the line so we do more things in neighboring counties than in our own. They are just closer. So Gavin's church preschool is in another county. And they have school--but he does not. Jakeb and Zachary (and soon to be Gavin's) school system is on a "balanced calender" so they start really early in August but consequently get several extra breaks during the year. I like this. I actually LOVE this. And this is one of the breaks. Yay.

Robert has taken the week off and we are planning a entire week of staying at home. Some yard work is on the agenda, some relaxing, some outside time, and some more relaxing. We did make a brief trip to TN to visit with friends and family--which we actually crammed in in 2 days! We had a really nice time but are glad to be home. Which is what this is feeling like--Home. Obviously this is our home but here, this new state, new people, and new things are feeling like home.

The boys keep running past my window to my right and I can hear their chatter, the dishwasher is running, the dog is barking, the dryer is tumbling, and this is home.

I can't wait for it to be home for more little one(s). Speaking of that--our dossier was not submitted last week but should be done tomorrow. We had a very nice and long chat with our caseworker and that's what we were told. So we are still waiting and seeing. Which we can expect a lot of over the next---clump of time.

Sunshine is my drug

Today was absolutely gorgeous here in North GA. Gorgeous enough that the boys busted out shorts. In February. Gavin and I walked up to the tennis courts to play for a bit this afternoon and I stripped down to my tank top (and pants of course!). I was hot--in February! Crazy. But I will take it. The sun on my face and arms was glorious. My favorite place to be in the yard is laying on the trampoline and feeling it's warmth and watching the trees sway under the breezy blue sky. Listening to the quiet trickle of the stream that runs thru the middle of our back yard. The boys and I spent the entire afternoon outside and I have muddy shoes and scratched up arms to prove it. We worked on clearing leaves out of the stream with sticks aka playing in the water. In an attempt to boost our quiet trickle to a rushing rapid--this did not happen but the volume did get a little crank up on the bubbling brook. We have been able to ascertain that the water is in fact coming up out of the ground in various places and weaves it's way thru the leaves and muck that often builds up. It never is dry and never deep, just a tiny little stream of happy quietly rolling thru our yard. We ended up with muddy wet shoes but thoroughly enjoyed our sunny day. Shoes are in the wash!

Not much to update on the adoption. Our dossier IS being submitted (today??) to the powers that be in Colombia but we still just don't know if we are looking at 6 months, 1 year, or 3. I am trying to remind myself that we busted thru the dossier process at lightening speeds and most are not at this point this quickly and also remind myself that IF I had indeed gotten pregnant we still would not have a baby. It's been since September, really closer to October--that's like 4 or 5 months only. But it's hard to remember that--my impatience gets the best of me often. Keeping in perspective is a nice idea though and helps bring me back to reality....so I try. And it's all I can do. The sunshine-y days certainly help.

Follower

One of the little facts about myself that I like to pretend doesn't exist is that I may tend to be a bit of a mental follower. I have mentioned over the course of my 3+ year blogging stint that I have some issues with comparing myself to others. Other parents other women...and basically that's all because I don't compare myself to anything else--I don't compare. Duh. Anyway. Well in my comparison's I often find myself thinking "Self: Judy cleans her house on Tuesday--that's a good idea maybe you should too..." Or "Self: Susy sends sweet love notes in her kids lunch boxes..." Or "Self: Betty wakes bright and early, exercises, feeds the dogs, packs lunches, prepares a glorious breakfast, and showers....maybe you should too!" You know where I am going with this--I obviously am not Judy, Susy, or Betty (who are of course fictional but not) so I don't do these things. Yet I end up feeling like poo. Which is really unfair to Me.

Yesterday was a pretty crummy day--in fact my eyes are puffy today from all the mental crying and whining I did. I dropped the ball on the Super Mommy award I was trying to achieve and lost my crap on Gavin because get this....He can't read. Genius. He's a smart kid--he's 4 he knows his letters and the sounds they make. Easy peasy...let's read! I went thru this with Jakeb (Zachary just got it some how...lucky for him) The realization that C-A-T spells cat doesn't just click for some kids. That whole blending thing or something. Sure he sounded each letter out and instead of bingo bamo CAT! He laughed and laughed and giggled uncomfortably because someone kept insisting he sound it out again and again. No dice and more giggling. Let's just say we both stopped giggling. Not good. So today when I am reading this or reading that and trying to have a better day I am again realizing one of the things I need to get to click in my head. Is that while I am not Susy, Judy, or Betty--I am Rachel and I am full of my own good qualities. I don't wake early and perfect my makeup before my husband or kids even begin stirring--but I do make sure they eat and have lunches or at the very least $ for it--I make sure their clothes match and their hair is combed. I don't clean on Tuesday and dust probably sits on the picture frames longer than it should. But my house is comfortable and pretty close to clean most days. And the people in it are happy. I don't send love notes in my kids lunches but I spend 2 days a week at the school copying and filing for each of their teachers and help anyway they ask. As well eat lunch with them pretty darn often.

I can't teach my kid to read at home and yet my kids read better than most kids their age. Because while I don't know that *I* taught them we certainly help...they get books read to them every night and have since infancy. We do teach them.

So somewhere in there my point is I need to accept ME. Not compare and not try to set myself up for following failure. Then only to start thinking of all the ways I don't add up. *headslap* Change is good, most definitely and I am always looking for ways to help "self improve" or make my life more like a well oiled machine. But it's not always realistic and I need to remember to step back and see that. Know who I am and what are my strong points. I know I have them but often I forget. Though I should at least be exercising.

Besides all that who are we kidding I am pretty sure Betty is perfectionist by day...alcoholic by night.

Seven

Zachary is seven. My cuddly chunky boy. Who really isn't so chunky anymore. A first grader and a smart one at that. He's my dimple face cutie patootie and I can't believe he's 7. Seven years ago I was absolutely smitten with my brand new giant boy and video taping his sleeping face. Zachary is so many things and one awesome dude. He's fun, funny, silly, happy, genuine, feisty, kind hearted, generous, wild, loud, giggly, and rocks the cool factor accidently. We absolutely love the way he lights up a room and can bring out the fun wherever he goes. He is playful and crazy and it's so neat watching him grow, play, and learn. He is nuts about his brothers and will do anything for both of them. Watching him become a big brother again will be fantastic I know. He will be unsure at first but so careful and caring. We tell him quite often that he will be wearing a helmet soon if he doesn't protect that head of his. He's been to the nurse twice this year for head injuries. He is doing AMAZING at school. Checking out 4th grade level reading books and breezing thru tests. He catches on to new ideas quick and with little effort.

At 7 he is roughly 48-49lbs and 49 inches tall. He is playing soccer and wants to play football in the summer. He races thru the pool like a fish and can cross the monkey bars with ease. He loves to jump, throw, bounce. His newest accomplishment is learning to Pogo stick....which is amazing to me as I have NEVER been able to do it. And Zman is bouncing like a pro all over the place. Seriously he's good. He can be crazy shy in front of people still but once he gets to know you he warms up to his wild man self. He's one all around fantastic little person and I am one lucky mom!

Sunshine and Strep

Jakeb woke up bright and early yesterday complaining of a sore throat. Not good, but kiddo had no fever and said he was fine for school. As in he wanted to go to school--which is a foreign idea to me but more power to him. That's awesome. However he returns from school yesterday stating that his throat hurts a little but he feels just fine otherwise....yet he winced in pain every time he swallowed. He insisted he's fine and a quick forehead check led me to believe he was indeed fever free. Two hours later he comes dragging into the living room and says he really feels bad now and that he needs to lay down. Genius mom that I am I chose to forego the trusty forehead check and busted out the themometer and sho enough kid is sporting a decent little fever. Ugh. I track down a walk-in clinic (his peds office was closed already) because I am suspecting strep and we just need a quick test and some meds and we are good to go. So yes--kiddo has strep, which means I am sure that's what I have/had--they didn't test me for it but treated me as if I had it. Awesome. Sorry North Georgia for being out and about infecting all of you.

All of that being said we are enjoying the sunshine. It's supposed to be in the 60's this weekend and full of sun. This is for real awesome. Mr. Zachario's birthday is tomorrow. His is the first birthday of the year so it's a big deal--he's the kick off birthday, before they start rolling in one after the other. Wam bam thank you mam. His gifts are bought and wrapped. We don't get too wild with birthday gifts--really we don't get too wild with gifts at all. It's not what it's about folks. It being, you know, LIFE. Some days I want to run out and buy my kiddo's everything there little hearts desire but most days I don't....most days I hope their experiences in life give them that. But gifts are fun so Zman has a few of course and Gavin was excited to help pick them out and has been a very good secret keeper. Zachary is a hard guy to buy for--he isn't a toy maniac and he is relatively practical in what he asks for. (Remember at Christmas he asked for a notebook and bed sheets--I promise he has both!) He was so excited for today at school he couldn't sleep. I made Cake Pops for his class and he is excited to bring them--and I think excited that his mom is cool like that and makes them for him even though she really doesn't like making them. They aren't especially hard but a bit of a process and they like to do things like fall off the stick or drip candy coating that doesn't melt right all over the place....basically I haven't perfected it. But the boys love bringing them so I do it--because he's so excited he couldn't sleep. Reason enough. Robert helped this go around because I don't need to serve Strep Pops. That would not be cool. So I am excited for him and excited that I am feeling better so that I can bring them to him and his class, because he got up and dressed in record time and hugged me 934342 times this morning. Because he's cool like that.

And for the record my cake pops look nothing like linked cake pops...mine are mishappen and wonky and lumpy but 1st graders don't care about perfection--they care about sugar. Even if they did care about perfection they wouldn't get it from me.

Sick of Sick

As I previously reported we were down with the sickness for a wee bit too long over our winter break. Robert and I did manage to scoot past the flu bug that took out the boys for a week. Whew.

Now we are all sitting pretty with colds....while on one hand I am thankful it's just a cold. No fevers or other horrid symptoms. And I am doing a odd happy dance that Gavin is managing to hang onto just a cold without busting out the heavy duty breathing aid artillery. This is good. This combo of meds works...and I see it working. This is good.

However...I am pretty sick of the snot drip going on with the entire family.

Yesterday I complained that I managed to somehow injure my neck, when I woke up this morning with it hurting worse...I decided I probably didn't hurt it. Combined with the weird swallowing pain and the feeling that my neck hurt because my head was on it. And maybe my back hurt because it was supporting my neck which was supporting my head. I decided it was probably a good idea to head on up to the ole doc. Red swollen sore throat+swollen glands+snot for too long+overall feeling of crappy= a round of antibiotics. And a hope that the feeling of yuck that I have felt for the past 2 weeks will be gone. Just in time for the Zman's birthday date on Friday. Now let's hope no one else needs to make the trek--so far they all seem to be hanging in there....but good lawd it's supposed to snow tonight. I am really only down with the white stuff for about 2 decent snows. This year we have had enough...I am good thanks.

Honestly I am a smidgen (ok a lot) bummed that we will be needing to wait probably a month or more (or less) before we are able to submit our dossier to the powers that be in Colombia. Thru no fault of anyones it's just the timing of our dossier along with others that are out there too. I am anxious about all of it--obviously and reasonably so. My friend called the other day and we chatted for a bit about it and she was so awesomely supportive and excited and it was so needed. Not that people aren't because they are--but it's nice to hear the extra excitement she had. I told Robert the other day that this is the hardest thing I *we* have ever done....it's one of the best and most rewarding but the waiting and the unknowns are really hard for me. Finding the patience and trust and faith that everything will be as it should and will be just fine....is hard but also a wonderful bonus for me. It's opening things for me and in me and us that I didn't really foresee when we started this process and what a neat thing it is. Seeing how things are weaving together with this is amazing. It makes the waiting a little bit easier--just a little. But I still can't wait to hug on our newest little ones....oh I can't wait.

Twelve for Tuesday.

Yet again...not in the mood for proper paragraphs.

1. Just received an email that our dossier has been translated....and that's about all. Hopefully sometime in the next month it will be submitted to one of the casa privada's (private "orphanage" or adoption house) our agency works with. The short explanation is that they need to wait because the Casa's don't keep waiting lists and right now there are several that are still waiting for approval.

2. It's still cold.

3. The sun should shine all week though--I will take it.

4. Zachary had a little program at school today--he looked incredibly bored and maybe sang 3 lines of the 2 songs the kids sang. He's not much of a performer. But he's still cute.

5. 7 years ago I was feeling rather large and uncomfortable unknowingly carrying around a 9lb 4oz chunky monkey.

6. I love that sweet squishy baby--even if technically he's not a baby anymore.

7. My neck hurts today--it's very frustrating. It's either from A)falling down the stairs at Gavin's school B)too much super bowl fun or C)sleeping bad.

8. Yes I fell down the stairs at Gavin's school--yes it hurt, yes I am ok, yes I will no longer rush into the building particularly on rainy days. Duh.

9. Jakeb wrote a story for a 3rd grade writing "competition". It's 3 1/2 pages and pretty darn good. I am impressed.

10. I cannot wait to be in Colombia hugging on a new little one or 2.

11. There is a possibility that we have one new little one and not 2. Obviously we are cool either way. Again duh. But also got pretty set in our heads we would be bringing home 2 cuties. Again with the unknowns.

12. Patience. The End.

FlashBack Friday

I like to glance back at old posts from time to time. One to see old pictures and two to see how my writing has changed {improved?}. So this in from February 8, 2008: (and let's not click that little link at the bottom and see my atrocious pictures--cute kids, bad editing. Growth!)

Let the Eye Rolling Begin...

So apparently 5 years old is when children begin rolling their eyes at their parents. Guess I missed that bulletin because I found myself saying today "and don't roll your eyes at me" then standing there thinking...Did I just have to say that? Did he just roll his eyes at me? Hold up!? He's 5! I guess telling him to pick his clothes up off the floor warrants an eye roll at me...geesh how dare I. But I must chuckle because he's so little but can have so much attitude. I know one day I will NOT be laughing but right now I will.

I have found a new online obsession as of late...flickr.com. Yep I think I could sit there all day looking at amazing photos, getting ideas, insperation, or just plain ole' awe! There are some awesome photographers out there and it's a great resource for information and ideas. I am really jumping into my photography and hoping to get it off the ground even more! I am excited and nervous and anxious! But no time like the present :) :)

Things are going well here in the B house. Jakeb is doing well in school, as is Zachary, and Gavin well he's being Gavin. A little stinker boy who is fast approaching 2! Speaking of aging, Mr. Zachary will be 4 in a mere 3 days. Holy Moly where has the time gone!? I am so proud of my soon to be 4 year old. He really is SUCH a sweet, sweet little boy. He is so affectionate and caring and I just couldn't ask for a sweeter boy. He is constantly hugging me or petting me or telling me he loves me or how pretty I am--I mean really how can you resist that!? He's so caring of his brothers, yet is so fun and spunky and just overall one neat neat kid! He has a huge heart and wears those emotions on his sleeve if he's mad you know it, if he's sad you know it, and if he's happy you know it. He knows his numbers 1-10 (recognition) and is learning his letters, knows how to spell his name, his address, phone number, and birthday. He's a smart cookie because I didn't sit down and teach him ANY of that other than how to spell his name--he has learned it all from listening to us work with Jakeb. And bad mommy for not working with him so I am trying to do "catch up" with him now--since he obviously is listening. He is so eager to please, I really could go on and on as any mother could. He's just a great, awesome, fun, sweet little boy and I am so very proud to be his Mommy!

My grandfather is doing well as is my dad and aunt. We still are trying to adjust to not having my grandmother here...I still have to constantly remind myself which I find hard to do and often feel as if it's a dream and maybe she really IS at her house with my Pappy. They are now just trying to get into a rythm or routine with taking care of my grandfather (Pappy). So far so good I think. I haven't been too great about calling or visiting as of late, but hope to get out there this weekend. I am his official "hair stylist" and I know he is in need of a trim, plus I need to visit and he loves seeing the boys.

Alrighty well I hear Robert's car in the drive! He's home for the weekend....YAY! So better close up shop here.

And anyone interested in checking out my "unofficial website" here is the link:http://www.printroom.com/studio_authoringtool.asp?domain_name=rachelbeasley

Wow. Crazy that my grandmother has been gone for 3 years. Seems like yesterday I was sitting in her kitchen just chatting away about the kids, family, and life. Sigh. I miss her. I miss them both.

Boys. Ew.

It seems that most women (note: I did not say all) think having boys is a not fantastic thing. I get a range of comments when I tell people that I have 3 children, they are "only" 2 years apart, and they are all boys. A select few gush about how boys are "mama's boys" and always love their mom. But most, well most. Have to gasp for air. Some say "I am sorry" For what? Sorry you aren't awesome enough to have 3 rockin' little boys? Some say "Wow. I bet that's busy." Well yes, I would be busy either way. *Shrug* Some say. "Wow" I know I say that everyday. Some say "Bless your heart" Thank You? This past week someone actually said, "That's awful!" *smile*

This comment was the last straw. I am now mentally getting my game face on for comments like this. I didn't respond as I should have at this odd unthought comment. In fact I didn't respond. I chuckled more shocked than anything that someone actually said that and thought it was appropriate. I do often respond to comments by at least saying "Well they are good boys..." Which seems to get my point across a bit. I promise boys aren't awful. Really. Do you know what my boysies do when I am sick? Or grumpy? Or just not feeling fantastic? They love me. They make me feel so special. Really they do. They check on me. "Mommy are you feeling ok?" they snuggle me up with blankets. And sometimes a special stuffed animal. They stop by just to give me a hug and a kiss and to ask again if I feel any better. They will bring me a drink or share a snack. They are sweet, so very sweet. They are helpful. We get compliments on them very, very often. Typically an elderly couple at a restaurant--they will pat my shoulder and just rave about how well behaved they are. They leave and I relax. *Whew* They aren't as loud outside of this booth as in....

Boys aren't all yucky and loud and belching and stinky....they are cuddly and sweet and caring and kind. And I love mine like mad crazy--and if I had another I would love him too...and I would really have to amp up my responses though! Just wait until we have 4 or 5 kids--2 or 3 of which don't match the others. Gavin already stands out with his glow head.

Machine

So it has occurred to me in the past that if I spent less time at the computer or even *gasp* none at all I would accomplish A LOT in the day. (I would also probably take up drinking because I would drive myself crazy) Today for instance. Gavin and I rode around this morning because I needed to get out--but not shop. Ironically we ended up at Target. I tried. Anyway we got home around lunch time. We ate lunch. I caught up on blogs while I ate lunch and Gavin rolled around in the boxes we bought at Target (clearance! they were on clearance!!) I can catch up on blogs on my phone now. Technically I think this is cheating because the point of me not getting on the computer is you know not getting on the computer, phone is a phone but also very much like a computer. But let's not split hairs. Then I rearranged my room, sorta. I moved one piece of furniture out and one piece of furniture to previous pieces location. Then moved every other piece approximately over or back between 3 inches to 1 foot. I promise it makes sense, and makes the room look bigger. It also makes me want to paint it. I did not paint.

Instead I vacuumed. I then installed the little garage door thingy--to.the.side.of.the.house.with .a.drill. Your Welcome. Robert. I also started dinner. Granted it consisted of throwing a bunch of ingredients into a pot and calling it a day--until I have to dismantle chicken from the bone. Yuck. Anyway my point is I did all of this while spending too much time on the computer. In between tasks I took a minute to catch my breath mental health break and got on the computer. Imagine what I could accomplish if I like you know--didn't get on the computer all day. Exactly. It really is better for everyone that I do get on the computer. I promise. Though really, I could scale back. But I also could stop drinking Dr. Pepper, I could start using the treadmill too. Eh.

The boys are playing some sort of elaborate pretend game. They like to reenact whatever show or toy they are into. I find it quite funny when they yell "PAUSE!" to you know pause the game to go to the bathroom, to grab a drink, say a new rule. Tis funny. Pause!