It's summer.

Not officially but officially for the boysies. I am stoked and not naive enough to really believe our summer will be full of blissful days of relaxing by the pool and children getting along all day. I am hopeful though and that's enough. Most days will be, this I know.

Very soon we are going on vacation. Very soon we will find out whether we will be having a boy or a girl. As time for this draws closer I am very nervous. I don't know that I will be ready to tell the world it's "another boy". Because people aren't very nice about that sometimes. Men think it's great...women often think it's a nightmare. They are wrong...and/or I am fortunate. These 3 little boys are ah-mazing. I imagine 4 would be even more so. So either way we are excited...and anxious to know.

Zachary's very bestest friend is here visiting for the week and they are all playing so nicely and we are waiting for the carpet cleaners to arrive. With 5 pets and 5 people in the house the carpets are um...atrocious. Lunch is ready and smelling yummy!

Some updates.

I haven't said much about the adoption lately...mostly because there really is nothing much to say. We are still waiting on our approval from Col*mbia. We found out this past week that our program director is leaving the agency effective immediatly along with all the other people that work directly with him in Col*mbia. This is a bit alarming and we aren't sure what this means for us...if anything.

Knowing that every bit of the adoption is essentially put on the back burner right now is hard for my "mommy guilt". I know we have no choice and that for everyone it really is better but it doesn't make it easy. This adds to the inner turmoil I feel over being pregnant again...on one hand I am excited (very excited) and on the other kicking myself and feeling guilty for having to put our other child(ren) on hold. It does drag this process out quite a while. However with the way movement is going on Col*mbia it doesn't look like it was going to happen quickly to begin with.

I had my 14 week appt today. Everything sounds great....I have a doppler at home and this baby is a wild one. I can listen to it's heartbeat anytime I would like and oh my goodness...he/she is quite the wiggler. I go back again in 5 weeks (we will be on vacation the 4th week) and we will have our official anatomy scan and will officially find out what baby is provided he/she cooperates. I also get to do the gestational diabetes test early this go round since Zman was quite a large chunky monkey at birth. Works for me. Really can't believe we are at the second trimester already....or even discussing trimesters at all.

The Graduate.

Last night Gbabes had his little preschool graduation. First the theme they used was to die for cute--the kids weren't all dressed up and didn't do skits but it was simple and Adorable. It was the 2, 3 day a week preK classes but the entire chapel was decorated from all the other classes. Each class made a "banner/poster" thing with pictures of all their kids, BUT they used recycled items. Water bottles, TP rolls, cereal boxes and the like all cute and tapes and painted and put together to make a theme of some sort. One was an underwater theme...one was butterflies...Gavin's class did a flower garden theme. It was gosh darn cute and clever to boot!

And my little shy man is quite the little performer. His brothers were positive he would do what they do and just stand there chewing their finger nails with nervousness. I promised them he would blow their socks off and he did just that. They were grinning ear to ear watching him stomp and dance and sing quite loudly. They were shocked and pretty proud of him. He was on the front row and did awesome. Fortunately for us mom's they avoided the sappy sweet stuff and saved us the tears.

Check it out: My favorite song he walks around singing...makes me giggle every time he does it.

Twelve for Tuesday

1. I didn't mention it but I had a birthday a week or so ago...right before Mother's Day. Birthday's are my thing and for as long as I can remember I have counted down the days until my birthday to anyone who would listen. This year was a bit different as I honestly kept forgetting...lots going on. I did remind a few people a few times though ;)

2. I still have a baby face and I will one day be grateful but for now with 3 kids and 1 or 3 on the way it's a bit frustrating.

3. May went all stupid and got cold again for a few days...it's should be at the very least 70 in May today the HIGH was 64...maybe. Not smart May, not smart. This is the south afterall.

4. Every single little cramp or twinge makes me do a little freak out...you would think after 3 I would be chill. Unfortunately I am not. For the most part chill isn't in my nature. Unless of course you are talking about cleaning....or cooking...then it's whateville all day long.

5. As I get older I worry more about lots...this is not fun for me. Like at all.

6. What is fun...is the beach. And also that I will be at the beach in roughly a month.

7. The dogs thought they were all sneaky like and smart and got in the trash the other night...sneaky yes. Smart no. Raw sausage that is in the trash is because it is BAD...like not for consumption. Duh. So thanks for the nasty raw sausage fumes you are emitting.

8. I wish the "learn your lesson" thing worked on dogs...like "oh I ate that bad food...it made me sick...I won't eat it again..." but instead no. They will eat it again.

9. Jakeb stayed home from school today he said his stomach hurt...he ironically was healed by the end of the day. Works for me I guess.

10. I have a pretty strong gut feeling as to what baby fo is...tomorrow it will change though. I don't think my gut feeling detector works properly.

11. My dad came by and brought me THIS bracelet with 4 charms like THIS one for each boy and Robert and also a little baby buggy. And this makes me very happy since I have asked for this for like ever...but he didn't know that. So very good choice!

12. It's bedtime for the kiddies...and then me. Buenes Noches!

Hello from here.

2 more weeks of school and I don't think it can get here soon enough. Though I imagine in 8 weeks I will be counting down the last 2 weeks of summer saying the same thing....though truth be told I am lazy and school isn't for the lazy. So while a break from the kiddies is nice I am not one that needs them gone all day every day especially when that means I have to get up at 6. May is a very busy month for school kiddo's with field days and field trips and parties and awards and all "OMG it's the last month of school'ness". I help with their classes as much as I can which means it's also busy for me....so bring on summer.

The n'hood pool opened this past Friday just in time for a week of 65-70 degree weather. Go figure. But we are very excited the pool is open even if we still have to wait another week....or two.

We are hitting the vacation road soon and did I mention I can't wait? We are surprising the boysies with a day at Disney and I am super stoked for that....but really almost more excited for the beach and a hat and a chair and a book and watching 3 little boys romp and giggle in the waves.

Next year will be 4 little people (boys? or boys and girl?) Still not used to that idea. At 13 weeks it is still not real and honestly I am still battling that just a bit. Wrapping my head around the idea of having a newborn again...thrilled yes for sure...but still reeling about from the news. I think I will get it when we are home from the hospital with a new little person. Which will be in roughly 6 months. Wow. We have managed to pick out names and will find out which one we will be using very soon. The 2 biggest brothers are excited and announce to everyone we will have 6 kids soon....which we then find ourselves stammering and trying to explain. That it really won't be that soon and also it may not be 6....which leads to more explaining. So basically we told the kids to stop saying that because it just is confusing to everyone including us. The littlest of the big brothers is trying to forget and I am thinking was more excited about his Col*mbian siblings than an actual baby sibling. Or thinks we have lost our mind for switching things up on him....either way he's just as confused about all this as we are. Lucky for us we have 6 months to get our heads in the game.

Missing.

The past few weeks I have noticed that I am starting to miss the comforts of "home". I am missing TN and all the comforts I had there. All the things I took for granted. I knew my way around, I knew where to take my kids for haircuts, for dentists visits, for check-ups....for a day of play. I don't know that here and getting into a routine with that is tough. The town we lived in in TN I always thought was lacking in kid friendly activities...sure we had a few parks and you know...a children's museum...an indoor pool with a playground. And "big city" was just up the road. Yet I still thought it wasn't enough. But now...I live in a town where I can't find those things. Oh yes we are in a big city (without the quotes!) but big city is overwhelming and 45+ minutes away and often thru traffic...I can't zip on down to the children's museum or the zoo. Like I could in TN. I have found parks and that's about it. I have googled and come up relatively blank. We live close to roughly 4 towns which should give a broad range of options but I just can't find them. I haven't even found a pediatrician I love...though I think I came close last week...but we'll see! I did at least find one to avoid. (advice to peditricians: talk to parents...duh...if you have zilch for bed side manor you might find yourself with zilch for patients too. Just a thought)

Thing is is I know most of these things are found via word of mouth. Ask other parents get to know other moms...oh sure easy enough. I even joined a little play group last summer...but problem is. I don't have toddlers and playgroup age kids any more. This particular group was chalk full of new mommies with babies and toddlers. Odd man out. I have met parents at the boys school and soccer games but just basically suck at saying "hey you wanna kick it sometime?" In fact now that I think of it the few friends I have made are thanks to Robert who said here..."a new friend!" My social skills are sub par, er well actually I am friendly and chatty and all that but forming new meaningful friendships isn't really something I excel at. So now I miss my close friends and my comfort of home and knowing what the heck to do with my kids this summer. Because while the idea of crafting and projects at home sure is a nice one...I also know it really just doesn't work for us very often. See: Rachel freaks out. And lounging by the pool is certainly going to happen a lot I also know that every.single.day of chlorine and sun will get to be a lot.

So I need to shove myself yet again outside that nice little bubble of comfort....

And today Gavin goes for a check-up...this is the easy part.

"BTW, I am 5 today"

Gavin could not wait to turn five. His 2 very best friends turned five way back in September and October and since then he has been asking when he will be five. Explaining that was difficult and I think he finally gave up asking because 8 months is a long time to wait and ask. The week leading up to his birthday I gave him a count down but I really don't think he believed he was actually, finally going to turn 5.

We had his party 2 days before his birthday and several of his friends from school came as well as other close friends. He was very excited but also not please that he STILL wasn't five. Finally Monday rolled around and I let him know he was now FIVE. Several times thru the day he would remind me that he was five and the following day even said "I can't believe I am 5 now." This was a BIG deal.

Mr. Five year old. Is a awesome dude. We have said ever since he was a tiny tot that he has so much personality it literally swells up in him and bubbles out in ways he has nearly no control over. He is chatty and shy. He loves to play with his "brudders" and asks me ever single day when they will be home. He is a little perfectionist and writes his name carefully and slowly and gets frustrated very easily when he messes things up. He likes things to be just a certain way and is still crazy about his blanket which is often found draped over his shoulder as he walks around the house. He is the epitome of the baby of the family...and often has to be reminded that he is in fact no longer a baby and can do things for himself. He loves to snuggle especially with me--which is always welcome especially after his years of mad love for his daddy. My favorite are the random kisses he will lean up and give me when we are snuggling together. He is loving trying to learn Spanish words and I think is a little miffed that we are a bit preoccupied lately and haven't been doing this as much. He claims he in fact does NOT like babies and will not be looking at our new one...though I am certain he will cave and sneak a peek. He is very pumped to be starting Kindergarden in August and I know will do absolutely wonderful. He is one smart cookie and will breeze through. He is a wonderful happy little boy that we are crazy about. Happy FIFTH Birthday Gavin Arnold!!

Tuesday Twelve

1. I can't believe I haven't posted in over a week.

2. I am pretty emotionally zapped lately. Not used to that....stupid hormones.

3. Also major slacker in the housewife category. I know I will snap back but in the mean time I feel guilty...a little.

4. I did dust today. Downstairs.

5. We moved the guest bed out of the soon to be baby's room over the weekend. Something I felt was a bit premature but also we gave it to my brother who finally said..."I can get it now..." which meant it's going now or never. So off it went.

6. I am getting more excited...still cautiously excited...but getting there.

7. I am also flat out scared and nervous about having a new baby again. I am nearly a professional and a darn good newborn mom but um...yeah a newborn again. Wow.

8. I haven't cooked a meal in more days than I care to admit.

9. Zachary is sick and I am praying hard that Gavin doesn't get it too. This is the 3rd stomach bug in just over 2 months to fly thru the house. That's ridiculous.

10. I plan for us to hibernate in our own little healthy bubble thru the summer.

11. Gavin's Birthday was yesterday and I just realized that I haven't given him a proper birthday post. Oops. I will do that...not now...but soon.

12. 3 1/2 weeks until school is out and 6 1/2 weeks until we leave for Florida.