Cry Baby

We have had a busy weekend, lots accomplished, yet lots to do. Namely laundry, bleh. Folding laundry is my nemesis. I loathe folding laundry, lucky for me I have a husband that knows this and helps me quite often.

Today we ventured to the Fernbank again, Robert didn't get to go with us last time and we didn't stay very long when we did go. So we spent the afternoon there and it was nice. It's not a huge place and for the most part many of their exhibits could use some updating but it's neato none the less.

On the way home we stopped at Walmart to get the boys tennis rackets--despite our recent talks about how materialistic the boys are becomming. Grumble, grumble. We are often all talk. But I digress. Tennis rackets were purchased. Before we got to Walmart the boys heard Robert and I in the front teasing each other (really me pestering him as I often do) and thought they should join in. Someone had the ingenious idea to tell them they had to be on his team or they wouldn't get rackets...and proceeded to tell them to punch me in the head. Right wtf? But this was all in fun as it always is, so no worries I don't get beat up often. My sweet Jakeb proclaimed he would not do such a thing, however...however. Zachary and Gavin nearly leapt from their seats at the opportunity...Gavin got me first, I chuckled haha. Not funny don't do that again. Then Zachary got me. They were both told that's enough, someone was kidding. Hahaha. Not.Funny. Our middle child has some self control and listening issues going on always lately so he didn't hear the stop part of the conversation. And while I am fighting them off talking he reaches around and slaps me in the face. Like fo' real bitch slap to the cheek, slaps me. And what did I do? I started crying. Yep. Needless to say kid won't slap his mama no more.

Truth be told it didn't hurt that much...my feelings have been a bit raw lately and the whole my kids are ganging up on me thought ran thru me head and it was emotional overload. Because seriously they have seen me hurt the hell out of myself and nary a tear roll down my cheek.

Pretty sure Zman felt like the worst kid ever, since he hid behind the seats and wouldn't get out of the car without some pressure. We didn't even have to yell my crying was enough. But if he slaps me again he better hide.

All this and on Friday I was getting an Xray of my hand from his hard head hitting it 2 months ago. And really his head hit my hand...not my hand hitting his head. The looks when I tell that story are quite perplexed. I didn't even cry then. What? I can't be a bad ass all the time.

Self Help

Looking back thru the titles of my last several posts it seems I am in a rut. Duh. I am working on working my way out, but it's work. Constantly reminding myself to look forward not back....keep on keepin' on as they say.

The summer was busy--the move, the visitors, the back and forth, new state, new house, new bugs, new everything. The start to the school year has been no different--we have the baby here. Who we are growing attached to and her to us. The boys taught her to clap today and she finally figured out "I'm gonna get you!" and squeals as she runs away. Before she would look at us bewildered. She's healthier and I like to think happier. It's hard having her here...the extra person, extra time but it will be harder for her to leave I think. But she will. Maybe next week, maybe not.

Robert bought a chain saw today and chop chopped some tree's--what a difference that made. In a few weeks the boys will be getting their playground they were promised years ago. I am just as excited as they are...I will plop my chair out there, grab a book or my neglected camera, and watch them play in the shade of our yard by the the stream, listening to their playing, and the breeze and the tiny trickle of the stream. Just in time for fall breezes and fall air. Bliss it will be.

I am reading a book and it says to think of the things that make you happy--and I know immediately what they are...so simple things. Cooking dinner for my family--a real dinner, turning on my iPod while I piddle around the house instantly soothes me, walking away from the computer to play a game with my boysies, putting away the last piece of laundry, making lunches the night before, showering before I wake the boys up, reading a book in bed, giggling with Robert, listening to Robert giggle, chats with friends, chats with my brothers--actually calling my brother(s) even if I just leave a message....so many simple things, easy things that instantly give me the extra boost. Things I shouldn't forget. They are so important.

The hornets seem to have left the premises or have heard my pleas and are staying away--I actually sat on the deck yesterday evening for a little while and wasn't afraid. I relaxed. The cool weather is starting to roll in and it's very welcome.

Three colors have gone up on the walls and I am in love with them--fantastic is the look we are going for and so far so good! I rearranged the living room today and I think I like the openness it gave. I also finally pulled the table out and took it apart and slapped some spray paint on it. A dog we had years ago chewed up a corner (3 days after we got it), and then Maddie added her touch. It occurred (I finally know how to spell that word, thanks to 3rd grade spelling tests) to me that instead of buying a new table I could maybe sand it some and paint it--couldn't make it worse so I gave it a try. So far so good but we will see how it looks in the room. I painted it a cream color and put silver on the legs, not crazy about the silver and I may go with something different. It was dark brown with pewter type legs...a seriously heavy table.

So there is movement forward finally and that makes me happy. The go go that has been our weekends has worn us out and left us unable to focus here, glad to have a weekend to do just that.

Hotlanta

Several weeks ago my dad came down to visit for a couple days. We made a trek downtown for the first time since we moved (well other than trips to Ikea of course!) We hit up the Children's Museum one day and then road MARTA downtown the second...the idea was that we would ride MARTA and walk on over to the Fernbank Museum. Little did we know that just wasn't possible...the museum is much to far away. For those that don't know MARTA really doesn't cover much ground...so what we had to do was ride the train and then hop on a bus. Not fun. Well ok actually it was interesting but it was hot and I had 3 kids and my dad...which sometimes is like keeping up with a 4th kid. Right so anyway my point really is a brief explanation so that I can post some pictures and you know what they are...

They spent forever building at this thing...with PVC pipes..

Tuesday Twelve

Because I want to be here but don't know what to say.

1. I met up with a new friend and took the kids to the park today--kids? yes kids and yes it's a school day and Jakeb and Zachary are at a school.

2. It's a long story but my cousin's baby has been staying with us for a little while....and will be for at least a little while longer. If not longer than that.

3. She is a really good baby, very busy...but good. It's a lot of work.

4. The boys are adapting to school wonderfully. Well I say wonderfully...Zachary says every single day "I don't want to go to school." It's a work in progress.

5. It's nice to have a friend here to talk to some...it's really needed this week.

6. I am pretty much at my limit as to what I can handle. I may in fact be over it....but I am still handling it so that's something.

7. Tonight we have curriculum night at the boys school and it's pretty much a parents only sorta night--we will be bringing 4 kids. Rock on.

8. Gavin started school yesterday. It's an easy 3 hrs. He had a good time.

9. I can't believe this is his last year at preschool.

10. One of the dampers of moving is we have absolutely no sitters. Even for little stuff.

11. There's too much sucky stuff going on lately. Oh wait I basically said that already.

12. Can I say it again? Except my kids and my awesome husband who are all pretty much rocking awesome and reason enough for me to keep on trucking and quit my whinin'.

Pretty Much

hits the nail on the head right here. 110% accurate portrayal.

Unsorted

At one time in my life I prided myself in my organizational skills. Everything in it's place. Even my "junk drawer" was sorted. In high school I would force myself to throw my clothes on the floor just because I wanted to see how long I could take it...not very. In college I made my bed everyday and I have pictures of me vacuuming the room.

Fast forward 10 years, 3 kids, umpteen pets, 4 moves later and I am awash in unorganized mess. Granted most who come over disagree--unless they really see my office. But now I loose things more than ever, drop things, stack things, accidentally throw things away, and am just overall a mess. But not really...except for this organizer by nature it's stressful. It's what could send me over the edge. Days of a messy house = an eventual tirade by yours truly.

Now 98% of the time I still make my bed every day--it may not be until 3pm, but it's made. Except today. But my desk is a disaster zone, the kitchen counters are cluttered, and don't even let me walk into the boys room. O.m.g I might stroke out right then.

The strides I have made in letting these go are astronomical really...and moving has left me even more relaxed. But gosh dang do I feel confused and out of sorts...lost almost. My mental files are a mess and getting back on track is proving difficult. Getting the house back organized and my cleaning more regular and the kids...eesh.

But you know looking on things the truth of the matter is it's getting done--there aren't buckets of pee on the toilet seats and the homework is getting done. And it's ok if I have to sort thru trash papers to find my grocery list (that doesn't exist) or the paper that was supposed to go back to school.

Alone.

Found this on a blog...it's so nice I had to share.

Whirlwind.

Did you know that in Georgia time moves faster? Yes. It does. You get up at 6:30...it's dark. Like dark, dark. Suddenly it's 9:30, then it's 12:41, then it's like 6:17, and then it's 11. And you are like woah. Who just moved the clock and why is it dark again? Now it's quite possible that time is in fact not moving faster because after all this is the south...and even more south the TN is and in the south we move s l o w. And yet, my days are blazing past.

I keep receiving biznas emails and I am a true southerner these days always and am slow as molasses to respond--but when I go to respond and notice that in fact it's been two weeks since the person emailed me I am pretty sure someone is messing with the clocks. 'Cus fo real how did that happen. I mean I am slow and all but that's down right shameful and certainly not a proper way to run a biz. So yeah. Not good. I am all out of sorts here in Bugville. Between watching out for giant wasps, hornets, and rabid raccoons and reading blogs taking care of the kids I am apparently loosing track of time---a lot of time.

It certainly doesn't help that the past couple of weeks have been even more of a whirlwind. My grandfather's death is still spinning around my head being out of state makes that seem less real--so having to remind myself is rather strange. Then this past week we have a bit of family drama go down--I won't divulge into it at this point but say a small prayer for 5 sweet little ones to get the care they need for a little while, so their mama can hopefully get herself to a point where she can. Whew that's hard to deal with for certain. Fingers crossed the best thing for the kiddo's is what plays out.

And fingers crossed the time slows down just long enough for me to jump back on board.

Yep...those are the first day of school photos...because me, the photographer,...forgot my camera. So yes those are cell phone pictures. Unbelievable.

Zman's hair didn't really look that Kramer'ish I promise--wonky cell phone camera to blame.

Norman

This past weekend we attended my Pappy's funeral.

Last Wednesday at roughly 9:30 central time he passed away at home in his sleep. Just like he wanted. I felt very torn when I got the phone call that night, instantly sad and instantly relieved. He no longer was sad and suffering. Over the weekend I spent copious amounts of time trying to figure out why I didn't feel overwhelmed with sadness...reflecting on my grandfather and his life. His life in my life. And all I could do was smile. I realized that I wasn't feeling intense sadness because my grandfather was a respected, well lived, and well loved man. He lead a very long life for a paraplegic and has 2 children, 5 grandchildren, and 3 great-grandchildren. We all love him tremendously and will miss him greatly.

When he was in his early 20's--I believe 24. He was in a car accident that left him paralyzed. He at the time had 3 small children and was in the Air Force. Times certainly got difficult emotionally and physically but instead of letting it get the best of him. He did the opposite--he became very involved in Wheel-chair sports. Won the gold medal for archery in the wheel chair Olympics, became a member of the wheel chair basketball hall of fame. --Side note--you must watch a wheel chair basketball game, they are amazing-- He continued working and raised 3 children. His middle child passed away at 18 and this again was devastating for the family. Shortly they moved from Nashville to the farm in Arrington. From here they helped raise 5 grandchildren and became very much a part of their lives. When I was 11 I wrote a book about Pappy and his life. I vaguely remember writing it but I am so thankful my grandmother saved it all these years. It lists amazing things about him--his 8 brothers and sisters, his blonde curls that weren't cut until he was 3 or 4 years old, the chores he did as a child. Memories like this are what make me happy...the hundreds of pictures I scrolled thru while making the video for the funeral did nothing but make me smile and remember the wonderful man we were so fortune to have in our lives. I can't believe he's gone. We love you very much Pappy!

When I told the boys about Pappy's death the very first thing Jakeb said was..."Well....he's with his beautiful wife now." and how very right he is. His wife, his son, and his granddaughter.

Searching.

I got a fortune in a fortune cookie a couple years ago. I don't remember exactly what it said but it was something along the lines of...most people spend their lives trying to be happy instead of just being happy. Always searching for ways to be happy, striving for eternal happiness. I try to remind myself of this every darn day. And to remember we just aren't always happy--I have yet to met a person who thinks they are exactly how they want themselves to be. How they view themselves or not wanting more from their own life. Over all most will say they are happy--and really they are but the still want more from themselves. More patience, more time, more laughs, more structure, less procrastination...just more. I know I do. I wish I was patient, I wish I could get myself organized, I wish I was a happier person. I don't mean happy in my life, because I am. I wish I was less serious, more laughter, more carefree. More relaxed.


Another draft....over a year it's been sitting here.

2 down

Lots more to go. The boys have successfully completed their 2nd day of school. All is well. Yesterday they came home saying they had made friends and were liking it. Jakeb said he wasn't sure about recess because he didn't know anyone and he just stood there. About broke my heart--but when I asked him if he felt sad about that he said nope. So it bothered me more than him. Which is good! Their teachers seem great and I am looking forward to seeing how the year goes. I have signed up for PTA, volunteered to help in both classes as much as I can, and am eager to get back into a groove with the boys at school. Not to mention having a bit of grown-up interaction!

Gavin starts school on the 23rd and I think is ready to. He's asked several times about it. He claims taking Jakeb and Zachary to school is "not cool"...I don't think I am as fun for him as his brothers are. They have grown very close over the summer.

It's nice to get back into a routine and hopefully next summer will run a bit smoother. Though this year was good, just busy and lazy and just how it should be really.