An Update--with a Twist.

Well as many of you may know that roughly 3 1/2 years ago we decided we would like to complete the family by evening up the numbers and adding kiddo number 4. Surprisingly we ran into infertility and found ourselves unable to add baby number 4. After much discussing and talking we decided to pursue adopting, something we had talked about in the past. I began taking measures to prevent any surprises along the way and things trucked right along with the beginnings of the adoption paperwork process. We are now patiently (funny idea right?) waiting for approval from C*lombia and are hoping it will come any day now.

However...you knew this was coming right? Roughly 6 weeks ago a surprise DID come despite all the reasons why it shouldn't or couldn't. It did....and we found out that baby #4 WILL be coming along afterall. This time the "traditional" way and sometime in November. Yep, I am pregnant. And Yes we are still adopting. Laughing? Yeah that's pretty much what everyone has done when we tell them...after of course they pick their jaw up off the floor. I am still shocked and I have known for 6 weeks and in fact until the baby is here I don't think I will believe it. We are definitely excited but definitely still working thru all the details of what this means exactly for the adoption. At this point we know it will delay things for sometime and it should. I couldn't imagine bringing home a newly adjusting child with a brand new baby---how unfair for the child...so we know that it's best to let things wait however much we don't want to. I am certainly learning to have patience in all sorts of ways and that I don't really have control of everything no matter how hard I try.

So I had my first official appt today and am 10 weeks exactly and have a wiggly little one be boppin' along that apparently was waiting for the right moment to sneak attack us.

Sorry for the poor quality photo. This is of the screen with my phone...their machine was messed up so no fab photos. PLUS I apparently have a jacked up uterus making u/s pictures of itty bitty's not so fabulous--without...umm...more invasive ultrasound options. But that t-tiny foot is cute at least...it was all stretched out kicked back relaxing.

Twelve for Tuesday

1. It's a gorgeous day today....and will be in the 80's here all week!

2. We are down to 5 more weeks of school for the boys.

3. This school year has really FLOWN by.

4. Today my goal is to get the boys laundry washed and folded...and make sure they get it put away when they get home. I have one load left!

5. I got my hair cut yesterday--a bit shorter than I intended but it's still cute and it will grow.

6. Still not one single thing to report with the adoption. We actually haven't even spoke with anyone from our agency in over a month....because there is just nothing to speak about at this point.

7. Jakeb is spending his week at school testing and testing. This is our counties week for GCRCT testing which is the big state test...good times. Jakeb seems pretty unfazed by it.

8. Can't believe we are fast approaching May...of 2011. Nutso-ness.

9. The azalea's out front have lost their luster and pink blooms--see ya next April pretty flowers!

10. My motivation has vanished lately....please let me know if you see it float by.

11. The 'hood is working on getting our pool open for the season....I personally think it should open MUCH sooner than the end of May.

12. I can think of nothing else to say....

Twelve for Tuesday

1. It's a gorgeous day today....and will be in the 80's here all week!

2. We are down to 5 more weeks of school for the boys.

3. This school year has really FLOWN by.

4. Today my goal is to get the boys laundry washed and folded...and make sure they get it put away when they get home. I have one load left!

5. I got my hair cut yesterday--a bit shorter than I intended but it's still cute and it will grow.

6. Still not one single thing to report with the adoption. We actually haven't even spoke with anyone from our agency in over a month....because there is just nothing to speak about at this point.

7. Jakeb is spending his week at school testing and testing. This is our counties week for GCRCT testing which is the big state test...good times. Jakeb seems pretty unfazed by it.

8. Can't believe we are fast approaching May...of 2011. Nutso-ness.

9. The azalea's out front have lost their luster and pink blooms--see ya next April pretty flowers!

10. My motivation has vanished lately....please let me know if you see it float by.

11. The 'hood is working on getting our pool open for the season....I personally think it should open MUCH sooner than the end of May.

12. I can think of nothing else to say....

ETA: Another draft....what's up with that?  Looks done to me :)

Controlling

I for the most part have known for quite sometime that I have a tendency towards needing control of situations. I can attribute this back to any number of things in my childhood I suppose...or just that I am the oldest, I am a girl, and um...I was likely born this way. One thing my mom has always told me is that my personality has pretty much been the same since birth. At least I have stayed consistent.

I don't necessarily see myself as needing to be the boss more as I don't like surprises. I don't like when things go wrong so I try to prevent things going wrong. Apparently this is part of being controlling, I prefer to look at this as being prepared but whatever. I am working on letting things go and realizing I can't prevent and control everything. This is not an easy task...and in fact it may just be making my anxiety in other areas worse. But maybe not....hopefully in the long run I will learn to chill. Geez louise though for someone who is needing to control things jumping into International Adoption is a good way to "overcome your fear" because there is pretty much zero control over what will transpire. Yikes.

So I am letting things go...or trying to. I am not standing over everyone around me to get things done and learning to place boundaries though I am not exactly sure where to put them and don't have many people to put them up for but it's a work in progress. It's a learning process I imagine will always be evolving.

On control--I have however managed to control myself and haven't had a Dr. Pepper in nearly 2 months. I have had Sprite but I can almost justify that...we have had illnesses flying around. I haven't been on the treadmill in weeks and I can almost justify that too--and I am not giving up and totally plan to be back on it soon. Work in progress there too.

Today Gavin and I get to register him for Kindy and that's just crazy. He will start sometime in August and that will be interesting. Gavin isn't exactly a morning person and while getting him up at 6:30 is no problem, getting him to cooperate at 6:30 is. He needs a good 30 min to an hour to be less monster like...and I have no plans to get up at 5:30. Let's hope that excitement that he is going to school with his brovers kicks in and does the trick. Or something...that one is definitely a little controlling. And it's a toss up on who wins those battles.

Tuesday Twelve

1. I am wondering if instead of going out to eat on the weekends we could use the money to instead pay for a cleaning lady. My energy to clean has vanished....or to do much of anything actually.

2. Jakeb is 9 and getting old enough to walk around the neighborhood to his friends houses...I don't like this.

3. Relaxing is hard for me to do.

4. I have also decided that the best way to make sure I raise responsible boys might just be to make sure they do most of the work around the house....this will be cheaper than a cleaning lady. And will also take some of the load off of me as well as teach the boys to be able to care for themselves....I think this is win win. Duh.

5. Pollen is covering my house--literally. We have had the windows open and I finally dusted all the pollen off the furniture. Well almost all.

6. The sudden green outside is kinda weird...I left for 4 days and came back to everything green and leafy.

7. The new office furniture is so much better than the old....because you know putting furniture in that was worse than the old would be stupid...but really I am so happy to be looking at nicer cheap furniture.

8. Hound dogs bark---a lot---and it's annoying. They also stink--a lot and it's unfortunate for everyone including him.

9. Hmmm....I wonder if a personal chef would be better than a housekeeper? That's a toss up.

10. I have to sign Gavin up for Kindy this week. Wowsers. Now if we could figure out how to keep the kid well.

11. I will be celebrating a birthday next month--my own.

12. I also am expecting a decent gift for both my birthday and mothers day. Shallow yes--but I have been nice every year about this...in fact I haven't cared....this year I care. *hint*hint* Or not....and I better not receive a ahem...foot bath or bubble bath maker. Just sayin'.

It's just beachy.

On Tuesday last week I woke up thinking, I want to go to the beach. Nothing new really because I often think this but this day was different. The kids were out of school and the funds were ok enough that maybe I actually could go the beach. So I said to Robert, "The boys and I are going to the beach in the morning....wanna go?" To which he laughed. But after much searching and thinking it was decided that we would go to the beach. Robert couldn't go so I asked my sister-in-law if she was down with last minute trips and would like to meet me at my house at 4am and head south for 3 1/2 days. She is and she did....and off we went.

We arrived Wednesday afternoon without a hitch and cozied up on the beach watching the boys play in the water and the sand for a couple of hours. Thursday we made plans to pack lunch and spend the entire day at the beach and then eat dinner at a restaurant we could walk to from the beach. We had a wonderful day--I decided that we absolutely must save money and one day have a condo/house/shack/lean-to on the beach. That my favorite place to watch my boys play is right there. They absolutely love it and can play for hours and hours. And we did.

However making your first lengthy appearance to the sun after 6ish months of hibernation should be done with caution. All of us ended up with sunburn gracing us in various places....Gavin and Jakeb on the back of their little legs, Zachary in 2 little spots on his chest, me on the front of my legs and the left side of my stomach. I looked amazing I promise. My poor SIL however got the brunt of it pretty much over her entire body. We applied sunscreen before we arrived at the beach and even reapplied but apparently not enough...oops. We survived though and lesson learned!

Early Friday morning I woke to a sound I loathe...a child vomiting. Poor Gavin came down with whatever bug Zachary had 5 days prior. And he was miserable. We were miserable and stuck, stuck, stuck. Let's just say I hope the hotel staff knows I tried. Poor little boy is still recovering. When you weigh 34lbs at nearly 5 years old stomach viruses take a lot out of you. He hasn't been sick since yesterday morning but has spent the last 4 days barely moving and barely eating. Which leaves him incredibly weak. Today he has seemed to turn a corner and is requesting food. He has been good about his fluids so I haven't been terribly worried about him being dehydrated and I suppose he won't really starve himself but yesterday I was beginning to wonder. This makes for the 3rd weekend in a row that someone has been sick. It's taking it's toll on me for sure. For the most part I feel the kids are relatively healthy but this winter/spring has me wondering. The last 4 or 5 months have been rough on all of us.

The beach was wonderful for one whole day and we will be back in June. Though it almost feels like we never went if I didn't have sand on the back of my van I would think it was a dream.

The past month or so has been a fog so it was nice to escape even for just a day. And sometimes it is just necessary.

Overwhelming

From time to time I suppose housewifery gets the best of me and my head feels like it just might come off if I pick up one more sock or wipe one more drop of pee off of a toilet. Cleaning up after people is hard and it's draining. Possibly I could be one of those that just doesn't think about what exactly it is I do all day that goes 99% unnoticed but I am not. Most of the year I am and then suddenly I sink. Occasionally the 3 little boys I have running around here making messes and rarely cleaning them will say something that leads me to believe that maybe they get it.

The thing for me is that I need recognition. There aren't awards and speeches made about the mother that stays at home....at least not while children are young and the mother needs it. In the end is what I try to remind myself, that as adults and older men the male people of this house will get it. Will understand why from time to time I seem to loose my mind. Over something stupid like a sock or a lego or that darn cup under the chair for the past month. All the things that just magically happen....that I do. And at times it's overwhelming and while I wouldn't trade my position and trek off to work I do need a way to keep my sanity. I have yet to figure out what that is...aside from hiring a cook, a nanny, a overall maintenance man, a cleaning lady, a financial advisor, and a personal shopper. Interesting that my one position is that of roughly 6 people. Yes this is basically a whining about my job post...whining that I have to clean the toilet again, that I sat in pee again, that the darn cup really has been under the chair for a month and I will likely be the one to finally pick it up, whining that the carpet needs cleaning, the budget needs balancing, good lord even about the mail that needs to be checked.

All of the itty bitty little things that eventually get the best of me. And especially now....when Gavin is sick again and I am tired and flat out overwhelmed. Until tomorrow when I will pull myself up by the bootstraps and get over my whining and get to cleaning.

Sickness and new friends

We are Day 1 of official spring break and Zachary is upstairs watching movie after movie in my bed. He is down for the count with a stomach bug. Frustrated? Why yes, yes I am.

Our windows are open and it's supposed to be 80 today and poor Zman is stuck in bed sick.

On a better note Gavin and Jakeb are not here and we can enjoy open windows and quiet. They have finally found a couple little boys in the neighborhood to play with....they have played with a boy a lot recently but he is 12 and while I am ok with them playing with him here under my supervision I don't know that I am crazy about them running around with him too much. He's a great kid, really he is...but he's 12 and they are not. So I am glad they have found some boys that are their age-ish. And they spent the morning romping around our yard and are now at new friends house doing what they do. And also staying away from germy mcgerm upstairs. Who is just fine to lay in bed and watch movies which also means he is not feeling well.

Have I mentioned I am so happy it's sunny and warm? Because I am. I am pretty sure I am one that suffers a bit from the seasonal blahs and days and days of dreary make me feel...well dreary. So sunny and warm and colorful make me cheery. Hardy har.

Robert's parents made a trek down to visit for the weekend and we had a nice one. We hit up Fernbank as we had planned to do for Jakeb's birthday weekend before it was sabotaged by the flu. Robert and I were able to get out sans kiddies for a couple hours and that was nice too.

Next up on the agenda is a 5th birthday for Gavin....wowza. Swiftly followed by ahem *my* birthday and Mother's day and one my brothers' and Robert's brothers birthday. May is a busy month. But for now we will enjoy April and our 4 year old for a bit longer.

Some things on Saturday

Quiet around here lately. Sorry about that....I know everyone is terribly missing my bad rambling ons about not much of anything. In a bit of a funk lately....lots going on here....but not really lots to report yet. Adoption is still at a stand still with nothing new to report. Our dossier was submitted a little over 6 weeks ago and that's where we sit with it. Colombia recently did some updating of their systems and until everything is running smoothly things are running slowly.

The boys are on spring break this next week and I must admit I am glad for that. Not having to get up for school and dealing with homework and what not will be nice. That and that puts us that much closer to summer and lounging by the pool. We are working out the details for a beach vacay sometime in June. Ok we aren't really other than to pick a week for Robert to take off...and that's pretty much all we have planned. It's a start!

Finally slapped some curtains up on the 97 windows in the sunroom/living room so that the neighbor no longer has to watch our TV. Not that he does but it does make things a bit more private.

We also are finally ditching the college furniture we have been using for our office. Bye, Bye plain boring pressboard shelves and hello not so plain and boring pressboard shelves. We will take things up one small step at a time. While I do certainly like to spend a decent chunk of change on kids our clothes and shoes I am not much up for dropping hefty pennies on furniture. So thank you Target for making furniture that is cheap but doesn't look like it too much.

In other news the boys are acing school....straight A's for both of them. I hope to instill a wee bit more of scholarly-ness in them than I had. I did pretty darn decent in school all things considered but really could have done much better. Besides that with all these little boogers running around in their fancy clothes they need to do fantabulous in school to you know...pay for college or something. Gavin is of course starting Kindy this fall/early summer. *gasp* Here in GA the particular county we are in school starts quite early at the very beginning of August. Which makes for a short summer...but also makes for several breaks throughout the year for which we are grateful.

Right...so have a great weekend!!