Grumps R Us

So tonight as I was putting the kids to bed and having them clean up and once again was loosing my patience with them.--this is a nightly routine, they clean up their toys, I get mad because they don't listen. Anyway so right, after they are tucked into bed with kisses and hugs and music. I come downstairs and read about perfect mom #28234 who just got done with craft time or story time or how they spent the day collecting bugs for their science experiment (none of which I actually read tonight but that's not the point). They spent the day calmly and sweetly talking to their children, who are well spoken and never misbehave. I end up yet again feeling like horrible mom #3545. I seriously don't get it, I don't get how they do it. I try, I try to be calm and chill but it just doesn't work for me anymore.
There are certain things that push me over the edge with the kiddo's...the biggest of which is the the toys. I get so mad at the amount of toys they have that a) are broken or b) never touched. I then realize the amount of money we spend on toys on the kids and get sick. I think begin thinking about how the kids (and parents) are marketed to all.day.long. And get more sick. Then I think about the yelling I just ensued on my children and feel like crap. Media flat out sucks. Don't get me wrong I LOVE my Internet, I love reading blogs about other mothers that do the same mistakes I do, that also loose their cool but at the same time rock it in other ways as a parent. But the media that shows mothers as perfect and happy and chipper all the time just sucks, the media that shows kids how bad they need this or need that just sucks.
I am just not a happy chipper mother, I want to be. I want to be bad, I want my kids to grow up and think wow, was my Mom cool. She was fun and laughed all the time. But that's just not me. Right now I feel irritated and pissy with them 80% of the time. They leave messes, they get too loud, they break things, they stain things, they jump off things, they hit things, the cry, they need me to do things when I don't want to....all things I know I should be glad I am allowed to do. But in the moment and right now I just am annoyed. They are kids and they do exactly what kids do. And I suppose I am a mother and I do exactly what mothers do. But why isn't ok? Why is it so taboo? Yes I screamed at my kid because I told him 97 times to pick up his dirty clothes and he didn't. No I didn't get crafts out and let them just paint till their hearts content, being a-ok with whatever mess they made. I am not that mother and that's ok too. Now I just need to remember that...the point of this isn't to have someone tell me it's ok...*I* know it's ok. (though I still beat myself up about it on a daily basis) I just get sick of reading "perfect mommy" posts...and how "cheerful" everyone always is. Seriously whatever. It's not always roses and sunshine and you know it.