Lovely Love

It occurred to me that not much thought or action was given to a relatively important day of the year that just passed. October 20th. What did is this you ask? Our anniversary. Yes, yes...9 years ago Wednesday we were joined in holy matrimony. Wow. Nine years. Crazy. Seems like just yesterday of course but also light years away. My oh my how we have grown and changed in 9 years. Such babies we were.

Nine years ago I was not yet a mother. Not completely anyway. I was pregnant with Jakeb when we got married and so scared I was getting married for the wrong reasons, almost confident I wasn't but scared none the less. I mean really....you see it happen all the time. Couple gets pregnant, couple gets married, couple has baby, couple has another baby, couple gets divorced. Everyone says they saw it coming. Getting married young is hard, really hard. It was never in my dream or vision. But it worked and it's worked wonderfully. Certainly not without it's ups and downs...but right now we are on an up. Better than ever. Age, maturity, and flat out faith and love in and for each other have been the key.

Basically Robert is awesome. He's a wonderful father and wonderful man in general. We compliment each other in so many ways a perfect pair in a sense.

So Happy nine years to us. I would do it again everyday and everyday is better than the day before it--and that day was pretty fantastic. We aren't perfect but we are perfect for each other.

Hard Hat for his head and my heart

Zman is going to be forced into a hard hat from here on out.

Robert took the day off so that we could get some tasks done that are required of us for the adoption--ie psychological analysis and FBI fingerprinting.

After we finished everything up we snagged Gavin from our friend that watched him today and decided to kill some time cruising around for just a bit before we had to get home for Jakeb and Zachary. 5 minutes into that decision we get a phone call from a very panicked 1st grade teacher that told us we need to come get Zachary at school right now...after I picked up my heart off the floor--because let's face it Zachary is a boy and a boy who gets hurt frequently and keeps my heart racing--I learned from his teacher that he slid down the slide (upside down--of course) and hit his head on a rock. Said rock punctured his head and left him with blood nearly spurting from his noggin and his teacher with a panic attack (not really but almost). He apparently walked up to her nonchalantly telling her he got hurt with blood running down his face. Never shed a tear. We rushed up to the school and found him cleaned up as best they could and with pink hair and splotchy polka dot clothes. Now everyone tells you head wounds bleed a lot but still when you see it, it's pretty dang scary. Kiddo is a-ok and milking it as much as he can...announcing periodically that he sure is feeling dizzy still. Thank you nurse for giving him that idea. The jumping and running around leads me to believe the dizziness is uh...all in his head. We did make a precautionary trip the ped's office just for a double check that stitches were not needed. Given the standard list of things to watch for for a concussion which I should just have painted on my kitchen wall as a daily reference at the rate we're going.

Criminal

In 1999 I got busted at a bar in Murfreesboro for drinking...Do the math, I was 19. I was pretty stupid about it really because I saw the guy--knew he was an undercover cop and being the genius that I was I proceded to shove my unstamped hand in my pocket, pick up my beer, and walk right past him. "Can I see your id?" he asked. I responded with the usual "it's uh in the car.?" Problem was I was so obviously not 21 and I was obviously drinking. Duh. So I knew it was no use and gave it up in about 5 seconds. Two of my friends caught my eye and despite my head shaking and eyes that were clearly saying "stay away!!" they thought I needed rescuing from the old man who was so obviously hitting on me, except he wasn't and they got busted too. Oops. Thanks guys and um sorry.
Anyway fast forward 12 years almost to the day and we are working on adopting a foreign child. Yay us! Boo Rachel. Now this minor infraction won't hold up the adoption, I am not worried about that. But trying to track it down holy guacamole pinto's and beans! (I flippin' love Skippyjon Jones people) *I* being the honest, truthful person that I am (no really I am!) said to agency lady and home study lady..."Hey so way back in the day...I thought I was smart and cool and I drank and I got busted...and yeah...so is that an issue?" Issue? No, probably not. Buuttt you are going to have to get a record of it aaaannnd write out a "letter of remorse". Basically saying...sorry I drank 12 years ago and got busted and it didn't happen again.
But dang folks I feel like a straight up hardened criminal over this minor eensy weensy incident. Except I am not because I had traffic tickets that cost more and I didn't even get arrested and I barely had any alcohol in my system because let's face it I was 19 and I was drinking beer and basically I hated beer and was probably really only drinking it to be oh so cool. Except I really wasn't. And I really wish I could just bop on back to September 1999 and whisper into little Rachel's teenage head and say hey stupid..."Don't pick up that beer and walk by that guy, cus seriously what part of that sounds like it's intelligent" and maybe a few extra somethings like "stop being an idiot and go to class" and "cancel those damn credit cards!"
But basically I can't do that and I am pretty sure I am not a criminal--at least the lady at the sheriff's department didn't think so because she says I have no record. Duh. Yay Rachel.

(and maybe I would also tell little Rachel to lay off the french fries and sodas...damn skinny teenager.)

Lots to go

We finished gathering our first big bunch of papers for the adoption this past week(end). Giant sigh of relief on that. I am not kidding around about getting things done (well when I make the final decision to get something done)--so I have been on the ball. Even made little collage's of pictures that we will need for our Dossier that gets sent off to Colombia. I am not too clear on the length of time between now and when we are ready to submit our Dossier--which is the paperwork that goes to Colombia requesting to adopt a child from their country. I am guessing with the holidays and what not we should be submitting that around March give or take am month or so.

Our final home study visit is next weekend. Once that report is completed we will be submit our I-800 to the US. I-800 is the paperwork requesting to adopt a foreign child. While we wait for that approval we work on gathering all of our paperwork for the Colombian Dossier. We have some of it already but will need our home study and our psych eval. We are scheduled for that this Thursday. Then we have to send all of that off for final "approval" that they are legit documents--and then provided everything is looking good it's off to Colombia it goes!

So provided it all goes like I think it will we should be submitting sometime between Feb-April, and then we wait. Once we receive our approval from Colombia we are looking at roughly 2 years...but it could be 6 months, it could be 18 months, it could be 3 years...just depends. Either way I am so excited I can't hardly stand it. But I am and I will. Though, I can't wait to bring those 2 little sweet "babies" home. Our age bracket is 2 siblings ages 0-59 months...or newborn to almost 5. Yay and more yay. The kids are stoked and I wish it wasn't so long but it is and it gives us plenty of time to get our "ducks in a row" before becoming a family of s-e-v-e-n. Awesomeness.

Twenty nine

Today my younger brother turns 29. His last year in his 20's...crazy! Happy Birthday to my little brother, Bert Gee--who is really named Robert much like my husband, weird I know. Oddly enough as well my brother was called Bobby when he was a little boy and my husband, Robert, was called Bob. He may hurt me for letting that out, haha. Anyway Happy Happy Fantastic Birthday Day to my wittle bruva.

This weekend Robert's parents came down for a visit. We had a super nice time just hanging out. Yesterday we watched the boys soccer games. Which by the way they both are loving. Zachary's team lost 1-0, but this was their first loose so they were pretty indifferent about that...they are a pretty awesome little team though! And Jakeb's team has struggled A LOT, yesterdays game was their SIXTH game and they have only scored 1 goal up until yesterday where they scored FIVE and won. Everyone was so incredibly excited, it was awesome. And Jakey boy played his heart out--he did awesome and seems to finally be getting the concept of the game. They both are doing amazing but this is Jakeb's first time playing so he's behind a bit on his comfort level.

After soccer we hit up a few consignment/antique stores around--we have TONS of them here in ATL area. I didn't buy anything but certainly found things I liked--just nothing I had to have. I have specific peices of furniture I am wanting and am focused on that right now. We are working on furnishing the dining room and sunroom--all we lack is a love seat and a sideboard/buffet thingy in the dining room. It's coming together FINALLY. I am on the hunt for the perfect shelf/cabinet for the kitchen and found bar stools today. It's looking good up in here.

Some pics from the boys first soccer games...Jakeb is the one in the middle with his back to the camer running away--number 7
That's Zachary and his coach...he's number 8

Getting there

This past weekend was a crazy mess of business. We made at trek to Nashville for some visiting, photo taking, and furniture pickup. I had 4 sessions scattered around Nashville area to shot over the weekend as well as us having our own family pictures taken. Awesome.
We also had to swing by my grandparents house to pick up some items we had requested before the estate sale there this weekend. Wow. Not exactly sure where my emotions are with that--basically I am stuffing them. Shortly after the estate sale the property will be sold. Yes, sold. The property that has been my home for 30+ years will be gone--the house, the land, the pond, the barns. Sold. Robert and I were married there, 75% of my childhood was spent there...my memories of my grandparents are there, memories of playing all over that farm with my brothers--there. More stuffing on that for sure. Cool thing--it will be sold to Arrington Vineyards. They will now own just about all of my grandparents original property that the purchased 35 or so years ago. So that makes it a bit more tolerable. The sentimental side of me is upset but the practical side of me knows it's what has to happen. So that's that.

On the adoption front we are waiting on 1 form before sending in our final set of application docs to Gladney. We are halfway thru with our Home Study. Received all of our health docs yesterday and we both check out a-ok. Robert still needs to work on that cholesterol--just for the record mine is beyond perfect. Yes, Thank you very much. I still need to work on the ole diet--because that is for certain no where close to perfect. Though I am not aiming for perfect, just good would be nice.

Zachary seems to be doing a bit better. I talked to both Jakeb and Gavin--separately and it seems to have worked on their end of the issue. So good for them. Zachary has been having a hard time sleeping these days, not sure what's up with that other than he has always had some sleep struggles. Quite frustrating! I am not kidding around when it comes to bed time....8pm every night. 7:30 if I am really good. So to go up and find him awake at 10:15 (like he was last night) makes my blood boil. Yikes.

I am working on painting a "china cabinet" for our dining room--I found it on craigslist for a decent price so I am hoping it looks as great as I invision once it's all painted. Now we just need a dining room table set and a loveseat for the sunroom and we are good for a little while!

OH! Super exciting news for the kiddo's...their swingset FINALLY came in on Monday--the guys were out installing it Monday and the kids were SUPER excited to finally have it. So yay for that. 2 weeks turned to 4 not cool. But it's here.

The Middle Man

My sweet Zachary boy aka Z aka Zman aka Zachario seems to be having a rough time lately. My sweet dimple faced little boy is quite angry these days. I hate it for him and while I suspect the cause of his frustration and emotions lately, I hate that I can't remedy it immediately. Maybe it's the move, maybe it's that he's the middle guy, maybe it's that he's 6 fast approaching 7 and 7 is a hard age. I suspect it's a little of all of that combined. I really hope he grows up and knows how fantastically awesome he really is. His sweet tender heart mixed with lots of love and spunk. A sweet side and a wild side in one little boy, what a wonderful combo he is blessed with. This child can have fun anywhere and really have fun. He rocks the coolness in his little world without even trying and doesn't even know it.

Now truth be told Z gets in trouble at home frequently--but what he doesn't know is I often walk away laughing and giggling at what stunt he's tried to pull. Marveling at his creativity and thoughtfulness behind it...wondering how in the world did he think of that. Not just why. His wild side is ever prevalent on the home front...his love for throwing things, jumping on things, stomping, and just overall loudness has not decreased with age for Mr. Man. BUT it's all part of who he is and it's one fantastic package.

He's gotten old enough now that being bossed around by Jakeb just isn't going to fly...but his little brother isn't. So lately the days of endless hours of make believe and best buddiness with his big brother seem to have subsided--for now. Zachary is moving on to bigger and "better" things-- a mind of his own and for right now that is leaving him without a playmate at home often and that is hard for him. Gavin and Zachary have a love hate relationship--I still have faith that this will one day change. Such a challenge that can be some days. They poke and prod each other all day it seems. While Gavin thinks Jakeb hung the moon. Ho hum.

I hope we can work thru some of the emotions my sweet cuddle bug is struggling with right now. He's a fun loving happy guy and that's not showing as much lately. Being the middle man is hard but I hope we can remind him how awesome he is and that we really really know it. He's our fun guy, our happy go lucky, amazingly smart, smiley face, cuddle bug.

I have these two pictures of him in frames around the house and man how I miss that sweet chubby cheeked face toddler...could he get any cuter--oh wait he did! I love looking at these photos and seeing his sweet sweet little tiny boy face.

Boys

I have 3--or 4 of them depending on how you look at it. I am a girl. I am not a girly girl, but a girl none the less. My idea of playing was baby dolls, school, and bossing around my brothers. I can get dirty and I love the outdoors. I don't do much makeup or jewelry or really any sort of fashion...but I am still a girl. When I go attempt playtime with the boys I find myself suggesting things like "Hey! I have a great idea...let's organize your toys...it will be SO much fun!" Or "Oh I got it let's stack these Lego's in to color patterns, YES that will be so awesome!" "What do you mean this Lego house isn't cool enough...hello it has a slanted roof, windows, AND flowers!" It occurred to me a couple months ago that I play--like a girl. I don't particularly feel the need to take hot wheel cars and smash them together at 9432 miles an hr. Or build a lego tower just to see how it looks when it crumbles. I don't need to rip the arms off my transformers and scatter the pieces all over the world house. Or take sharpies to my robots *gasp* Not my idea of fun. Hello!? You just ruined it! Now I will say this can be fun...sometimes... but most days no. To my boys this is fun. What they don't find fun--organizing things or stacking by color or exploring the woods (crazy bugs, duh). They prefer to beat each other with swords or launch hot wheels down the banister...I try to play swords or light sabers with them...but it appears that they think "Oh she's bigger, we have to hit harder" it typically ends in tears, shed by me. Those boogers are stronger than they look. SO consequently our play sessions are limited to coloring (which is me coloring while they watch and say yeah um I am going to go build legos) and the occasional train conversation. The rest of the time I feel guilty for not being able to entertain them or not having sufficient ideas as to how to play with them successfully i.e free of injury. All the talk in the parenting world is how you must play with your child...spend time with them...show an interest in them. Makes sense and all but damn ya'll it's hard work. And makes me feel guilty as hell, and then I remind myself... No I don't play but I love spending time with my boysies, love it...really I do. I am a-ok to kick it with them all day. But I don't do Lego's (other than really cool houses for Obi Wan or Commander Cody), I don't do crashing hot wheels, or being beaten with a sword. I do talk, I do read, I do sing (badly), I love to tickle, I love to hug and kiss and I love to listen to them play and giggle with each other. Hopefully their therapy sessions about our lack of play time won't be too extensive.

Stalker Addict

The better part of my day was consumed with reading...reading blogs. On the internet. I start reading and I can't stop. I read a good one and think ooh their friends must be good too let's read theirs. And then of course my usuals over there --> that I frequent...it's gotten out of hand really. Especially since the decision to adopt was made, now I hunt them down non stop. They are a wonderful, a comforting resource but really...I should you know eat and feed my kids. And maybe even have a conversation with a "real" person. It's really quite like a good book that you can't put down.

Anyway enlightening as well. So many blogs about adoption, the "orphan crisis" and just helping others in general. Something I long to do, I always have. In high school my idea for a career was to open 2 day cares--one that charged a normal rate only to support the one that didn't--the other day care was for families who had to work but couldn't afford child care. I went to college with that idea in mind. Then I learned the legal hoops and liabilities and my dream fizzled out along with a great deal of my other fluffy cloud ideas. Not that I really was a fluffy cloud idea sort of person--being the forever 'realist' that I am my mind doesn't really do "fluffy cloud ideas" more like dark clouds with sparkly silver linings. I am sure there is some psychological analysis as to why I prefer to prepare for the worst--a protective sort of response I suppose, I don't like being let down--hard. Anyway right not my point. Basically lots of reading has been going on here, more than normal. And I think you, yes you, should read too. Read about orphans, read about homeless, read about the animals, read about whatever you want--but don't dismiss it. Don't walk away thinking yeah that's sad but not my problem, nothing I can do and never think about it again. Put your heart there and understand a little bit about someone else. Where they have come from to get to where they are or maybe just what they are trying to get to. Open your eyes just a little more. Open your heart just a little more. Understand just a little bit more. A little bit more than your immediate circle of life. Just try. But if you really just can't. That's ok. I understand that too.

3244541 days

Big things to consider when adopting are a) it takes a long time and b) it takes a lot of money and c) patience. So my personality is go, go let's get it done. This will be a challenge for me. We received our application before we went out of town, I filled out everything I could and now am just having to wait. Robert does not have a GA license yet and while it's probably not required, I am pretty sure it will be easier if he has a license in the same state in which we live. BUT he's out of town this week--we were out of town last week--so I have to wait before submitting the first portion to our agency. Waiting really is better because this will allow us more time to gather funds and learn as much about the process as possible. Though honestly I am on information overload at this point.

I can jump around a bit with the process but certain things have to be done in a certain order in a certain time frame. Complete pain but gotta follow rules. We have to have dr visits and blood work and tests assuring that we aren't crazy and basically a lot before our paperwork is even sent to Colombia--and then it's waiting and keeping papers up to date. But right now it's waiting but this waiting is waiting just to be able to get to the real waiting and I am antsy already. This is going to be a long 2-3 years.

We did have our first home study visit yesterday--all went well and now more papers to gather and fill out before the next!

Once we get a little further into the process I will post a little "timeline" on the side over there ---> At this point just waiting to submit our application to the agency and gathering what paperwork and information that I can.

Just Beachy

Our beach trip was fabulous. The weather was perfect the entire time, the water was lovely, the townhouse we rented was fantastic. We have yet to find "our vacation spot" so we like to hit up different areas and this year we headed to Cape San Blas, Florida. It's a very rural area, like the closest grocery store, Piggly Wiggly, is 25 minutes away. Being away from everything is nice, but not. The beaches were quieter and it forced us to stay in...less money was spent and more time relaxing. The beach and area we were in allows dogs to be brought, though we did not bring ours we missed them and wished we had. Next year we hope to go back and be able to bring them, and let them romp on the beach for the very first time.

My mom came down and stayed with us for a the last couple of days we were there and it was nice to visit with her and get time to chit chat and relax together. I also was able to visit with my friend Teresa--she lives in Panama City Beach which was just a touch over an hour away-- Teresa and I had not seen each other in close to 5 years so it was super fantastic to get some time to visit and catch up!

We really didn't do much while we were there--which honestly was fantastic and my only plan. Do nothing. We spent every single day at the beach for hours, I read one book, we played Jenga, watched TV, and spent every single morning watching dozens of dolphins splash, jump, and play in the ocean, as well as butterflies, dragonflies, and hummingbirds on the flowers directly in front of our porch. It was exactly what we all needed.

True Story

I am all about "signs" and following your gut. Hence this adoption process starting. We created 3 little boys with pretty much zero effort. Plan for a 4th and bam--we have problems. Go to doctors, find a reason but no solution. Talk about what to do for years, with no progress. Discuss adoption but have fears and concerns and longings to be pregnant again. And bam we have a 11 month old for 3 weeks, it dawned on me while she was here that while SHE is not my child, I could easily adopt another child and love it like my own and some how overnight my longings to become pregnant vanished. Bam it hit me I have 3 healthy children and so very many children around the world have no one. We have more to give so why not give to them. So we decide to adopt. We decide on Colombia. We decide on 2 children--2 siblings. We say "We should learn Spanish..." Since Colombia is Spanish speaking it couldn't hurt to brush up on it. Last night Robert sat down and was writing Spanish words on post cards to put up around the house...I came into the office and grabbed one of our Spanish books from high school (yes some how this is the only book we have from high school classes). I plopped down on the couch with Robert and flip open the book and a receipt fell into my lap...weird. I picked it up and glance at it--just curious how old it is. Um the date you wonder? September 15th, 2008. It was just a gas station receipt--with the EXACT SAME date as the current date only 2 years earlier. Then another receipt falls out--same date. From one of our "fertility issue" appointments. September 15th--2 years to the day as yesterday. I handed it to Robert and sat there dumbfounded. Of all 365 days of the year it could be--it's the same date...it's in a Spanish book...and it is from a fertility doctor appt. You have GOT to be kidding me. Don't believe me....I took this this morning (didn't show the dr because we gotta have some privacy ;-) )...

Speechless? Me too.

Considerations

Now that I have had time to let things sink in, a chance to step back and think about exactly HOW we are going to bring 2 children home. And how once they are here will we support them and ourselves--I think we can but can we REALLY? I have zero clue how much we spend monthly on the kids. I know I can trim it down some maybe a lot.

Adopting is expensive. Raising children is expensive. Loving children is not. Giving children parents when they have none is not. Unfortunately money has to play a role in our decision making. So today I really looked at it. I am pretty much a problem solver--I might panic first but then I calm myself and I find a solution. I know this so I go at things pretty much head first and solve as I go. I try to create some sort of game plan up front but we all know how that usually plays out. So--right my point...we can make this happen. Daunting as the financial aspect of adopting is the end result is amazing. Were there's a will there's a way. I am researching fundraising options, I may toss a "donate" button up on the side over here. Asking people for money is not something I am crazy about--but providing a product that helps support a cause--our cause--makes me feel better. I am not crafty or handy with tools, I don't write well, I take pictures but all session proceeds already go to me. Though I just got another idea. Hmm. We shall see.

I am sure you noticed I am now saying children--2 children. I would bring a dozen home if I could. So would Robert but he is much more practical than I am. So we are talking 2 siblings ages 0-4. That will make us a family of 7. It will keep 2 children together. It will give 2 children 3 more siblings. It's a good thing. I could list a million reasons explaining why, I could justify myself to the naysayers--it's my knee jerk response. But basically there are millions and millions and millions of parentless children in our world--we have room in our hearts and room in our home. Plenty of room for 2 more. Plenty.

Beachin' it.

In roughly 5 days I will be happily relaxing beach side--somewhere in Florida. That's right it's not been booked yet. But we're working on it.

Worn out tonight--for no good reason really. I had a good day. Dropped some cash on new bedding for J and Z--this is always fun, well that I finally had the $ to get it, is fun. Rearranged their room to a fantastic new set up--and with the matching bedding it's fantastic. And I bummed around alone for a couple hours while all 3 boys where at school. All in all it was a decent day. Jakeb and I had some struggle with home work--poor guy is not getting math to the perfection that he thinks he needs to. Overall he does just fine but he's not speedy math whiz boy that he thinks he should be. Gets it pretty honest I was basically the same way--math not my strong thing. I get too frustrated that I am not fast and I get a calculator 90% of the time. Cheater.

No news to report on the adoption process front--basically just gathering info at this point. It's a very long tedious process, and I am anxious to get the ball rolling. We have narrowed it down to an agency and country but want to make sure we explore all of our options first. Most family members seem pretty onboard with our decision, so that's good. Everyone has been actually--we are pretty rockin' on the parenting front. Far from perfect but not too shabby either--so we will rock this. I hope. I am stoked that's all I know. Will keep ya posted!

Lots of thoughts

Firstly holy guacamole it's September. Say huh? Talk about mind boggling...this year has certainly been a rush. The fall weather rolling in is quite welcome, with it the bugs are gone and the ability to breath and be outside.

Baby girl went back home last week, it was surprisingly easier than I feared it would be. Which was good--she rolled right into our lives and our routines and then rolled right back out. I hope all goes well but I just can't get too involved as difficult as that is.

This past weekend--Labor Day weekend--was wonderful. We enjoyed the cool weather and enjoyed the company of new friends. We relaxed and enjoyed each other.

Zman and Gbabes did come down with what seems suspiciously like croup. Zachary is back at school today and Gavin who likes to hang onto illnesses extra hard or rather they like him a lot is still home. Though his "school" is only 3 hrs 3 days a week. He is better but not where I like to see for school.

Jakeb is doing fantastic he is adjusting to the expander in his mouth and loving school. He always surprises me, I worry about him and then as if he knows he proves me wrong. I was so worried about him at school and he has done absolutely fantastic adjusting and loves going. Wow.

My brother is getting married this Friday so the boys get to skip school tomorrow and Friday which gives us a short week. Then in 1 more week we are off for a week for Fall Break. We plan to make a trek south to the beach...a much needed relaxing week away from everything.

In other kid news we are seriously looking into adoption. Like I just got off the phone with an agency looking. If you have read the blog long you know that I particularly long for another little one and that over the last several years that has not happened. Adoption has always been in my mind...even before I had Jakeb. Robert and I discussed it in the past. Robert admits to actually looking into it many years ago...I have looked into it a handful of time over the past several years as well. Once I had children I began looking at it differently--afraid. Afraid I wouldn't love that adopted child like I do my own boys. Afraid that it wouldn't be fair to them--all of them. Would I treat that child(ren) different? So I always said "I used to want to adopt...until I had kids..." well by some sort of odd twist of fate we haven't been able to have that "last" child. Adoption has come into my mind again and again along with me wondering if we were done. I would go back and forth, between being done and knowing in my heart we weren't. That some way some how we would have more. Trying to discern if my feelings were legit or if it was my love for children confusing my mind. My love that is ingrained in my heart and soul--all cheesy-ness aside I have been obsessed with children my entire life. As a kid I didn't buy the typical "toys" instead I would buy a real bottle for my dolls or an umbrella stroller...really it was a bit over the top. Needless to say it's pretty obvious to me NOW that adoption is the right thing. So all that being said we are looking into adoption and right now it looks like international is the route we are going to go. We are looking into Colombia as the country we go thru...the process is lengthy and costly but in the end it's 100% worth it. I am excited, relieved, thrilled, nervous, scared, but mostly excited--which that is good! Robert is nervous about the financial aspect and how it will affect our boys...all very valid concerns. My hope is that it only affects them in a positive way and in my opinion I can't see how it could be anything other than that. They are thrilled at the idea and I am for them. And as for financially we will work it out is all I got. We will take it one step at a time and that's exactly how it is.

So say some prayers and good thoughts and peaceful thoughts and anything else you can toss our way. It's a big step but it's a good step, I am certain of it. My heart, my mind, my entire body is telling me it's the right one.