Lego my eggo

All 3 of our boys...as most people (though are they really)...have very different personalities. Jakeb I describe as the rule follower, the thinker, the serious one. Zachary I would described as the fun loving, happy go lucky, fearless one. Gavin I would describe as the confident (in what he wants), bossy, demanding one. And each of those traits I think are great in their own way. None better than the other, all fabulous. I struggle with balancing. Making sure each child knows they are loved and cherished just as much as the other. Making sure one knows that their flaws are no more than their brothers. That their strong trait is just perfect for them. That their brothers are just different but no better.

The other day Robert took the boys to the pool. Our friend Hope was in town visiting so he took her 2 boys as well. After an hour or so at the pool he called us to let us know Jakeb was ready to come home. After retrieving Jakeb, I asked him why he was so ready to go home. His response was that he needed to come home and build with his Lego's. That while he was at the pool he got to thinking that he should build our family in a pool out of Lego's. My first thought was...I am sorry what? You are 8 years old and instead of playing at the pool with your friend you would rather come home and build a replica of your family at the pool out of Lego's?! But *this* is Jakeb. After years of trying to figure him out and thinking I know him he still constantly amazes me. Just as much and no more than his brothers do. In so many different amazing ways, just as they both do....but in their own way. And this is what I struggle with. Each difference. How do I remind each one of their amazingness? How I do I encourage that to shine. Because yesterday Jakeb was building Lego's of Love and the day before Zachary thought peeing in a squirt bottle, filling it with hot water, and shooting it at his younger brother was a good idea. (this did not happen because someone (not naming names-Jakeb) alerted me of this fact.) How do I not label him "bad" and his brother "good"...because that was beyond "bad". And he is not bad...he's sweet and loving, with a feisty streak. A feisty streak that will take him so very far, I can't even imagine. Personally I think peeing in a squirt bottle is a genius idea...provided you are shooting at your enemy...though in theory his younger brother shouldn't be. And lucky for him his little brother is just as fun loving and feisty as he is. How do I make sure they all 3 know they are amazing and awesome but just different. This is my daily struggle and worry. With more than 1 it's a battle. They are different...no better...no worse...just as amazing and just as different. And I love and adore and marvel at each of them in the same different way every day. And try to do the best I (We) can to make sure they know that as well.

Here.

is where I am.

We are trying to get settled here....not in TN but in Georgia. This comes with a great deal of mixed emotions that seem to hit me on and off throughout the day. I am absolutely smitten with our new house and all that I know we get to bring to it. But the thought of learning a new state, meeting new people, and all that comes with a state change is a bit overwhelming.

The first week hasn't come without hiccups. Within our first 5 min I discovered that our upstairs A/C unit is not working...again. We knew this but had hoped it had been repaired by my fantastic bro....but no dice. Unit has a leak and we must utilize the warranty that was purchased when we bought the house. By the rest of the evening we discovered a hefty leak in the kitchen that has caused damage to the wood flooring and the dry wall in the basement. Par for the course is what I keep telling myself...but after 24hrs of listening to the hum of fans and wondering exactly how we are going to foot the bill for all of this I am having a hard time remembering that. We are quite confident both of these issues should have been determined by our inspector. However the idea of calling him and "ripping him a new one" is nauseating for me. He is quite a nice man and from the same town we are--by chance. Robert has been elected for this task. Good luck to him.

Yesterday as I drove to Target it dawned on me...this is it. We aren't "home" anymore. We no longer live where I have lived my entire life. Wow. The last week was tough, though harder on Robert than me surprisingly. I had fretted and worried and cried a month before. The "lasts" were hard. The last time we would pick our boys up from the school Jakeb had gone to for the past 3 years. The last time they would attend karate with teachers we love. The last visit to the pediatrician that we adore. The last guitar lesson we had come to enjoy. The last visit with school friends and friends we know we just won't see again. It was just a difficult week. And quite frankly this one didn't start any easier. Here's hoping the next is fantabulous!

This evening we discovered a new friend in the garage. I will use the term "friend" lightly because I am quite positive he feels about me like I do about him. Don't touch me and we are a-ok. This new friend is a bright green froggy that likes our garage door. He is bright green with red eyes. The only place I have ever even seen a frog like this is at the zoo...Yikes. I thought I was "one with nature" apparently not as my trip to grab my purse from the van left me screaming for help. Ho hum...I can dig in the dirt as long as nothing that can crawl, walk, slither, or hop touches me.

The boys are adapting just fine...sleeping amazingly and rolling on into it. Summer break has started and they are thrilled. I am bummed the first week has started so hectically for them but they seem no worse for the wear. I can't wait to show them Mr. Red eyed Froggy picture in the morning....

Thirty and purty

Me at 30. At 30 years old I am finally finding me and being a-ok with me. I am full of flaws and full of wonderfulness. I am sensitive and caring and extraordinarily compassionate. I can't say no. I am hidden. I am opinionated when I need to be and often when I don't. I want. I love. I have a mean streak. I am happy. I laugh. I am unhappy. But I am ok with me. I am stubborn. I am funny. I am silly. I have 3 little boys who love me dearly. I am a wonderful mother. Sometimes I am a sucky mother. I yell. I worry so very much. I am scared. I am 30 and I am finally ok with me. I am more than ok with me. Most days I really like me. Some days I hate me, but know that is a ridiculous notion. I love to have fun. I am learning to have fun again, because I lost it for a while. I am beautiful in so many ways. I hurt. I ache. I am secret. I photograph. I cry. I am me. And my whole life I struggled to be anything but me, yet at 30 I know that's all I can be.
At 30 I have 3 little boys who rock my little tiny world. I long for more but love oh do I love what I have. At 30 I have been married for 8 1/2 years to a man who is amazing that I love like no other. I have 2 amazing parents who love me like no other. I have an fabulous family. I have rockin' friends.
Today at 30 years old while driving in the car with my 8 year old little boy and sharing with him a great many of my favorite songs. I drove with my arm out the window. My first notion was to pull it back in, because most 30 year old minivan driving mom's don't drive waving their arm to the music out the window. Then I began to wonder why not, why not? I did at 20, it's one of the reasons my husband liked me...I was carefree, I had fun. So why shouldn't I at 30? But at 30 I still love to ride with the windows down and the music up and every once in a while I dance my hand out the window to the music. And I smile. And for this moment today I love me and all that I am, all that have, all that I will be, and all that will be because of me.

SWAGGER WAGON

Weezer

Poor Gavin is sick....several months ago I would have added an exasperated again on the end of that statement. But for now he's just sick. Just a minor cold, nothing to be alarmed about...unless of course you are blessed with Asthma particularly this kind. A typical bout begins about like this...4pm notice it seems Gavin has gotten a slight runny nose....8pm Gavin goes to bed....11pm Gavin wakes up coughing to the point of needing a breathing treatment....2am needs another....6am wakes up again coughing and lots of labored quick breathing and determine a trip to the Dr. is probably in order. Now that we have been down this road many times we often wait the first day out which leaves me that evening kicking myself and wondering if we should hit up the ER. This time around the process was a bit more calm and we waited until day 2, and today I am kicking myself because I have never had my child tell me "I can't breath".

Makes ya panic just a wee bit. Thank goodness for nebulizers and fingers crossed this is something he out grows like his older brother did.

ETA: I did take him to the Doctor this morning, where he recieved a heavy duty treatment and a Rx for oral steroids.

Super Sunday Sixteen

1. I really need to catch up on my blog posting...lots to blog about really. Someone turned 3-0, someone went on a cruise, someone's entire state went under water...almost literally.

2. Someone has logged into their blog 10 times this week and can't form thoughts or know where to begin.

3. Yesterday was Gavin's 4th birthday PARTY. He had a blast...we rented a water slide thingy...TONS of kiddie fun.

4. We have 11 more days until we will be heading o.u.t.

5. Thursday evening my dad called me to tell me he found a kitten in my grandfather's basement. We now have a 4 week old kitten added into our zoo. Trust me when you see his face you will understand why he is now our kitten. Adorable doesn't even do him justice.

6. Did I mention 11 days?

7. Being able to stay here (at the In laws) has been nice...but so very hard for my organization-is-a-must mind set. This week I hit my wall. 7 people, 1 dog, 5 cats=crazy Rachel.

8. The new addition is named Patton...because he was found at my grandfather's--on Patton Rd.

9. It's raining here yet again. On Gavin's birthday 2 weeks ago all hell broke loose here. Water, water everywhere. Fortunately Robert's parents house was fine--but SOOO Many others weren't.

10. 11 days.

11. I can't believe that very soon I will have a THIRD grader and a FIRST grader. Wow.

12. My baby will start kindy in 1 yr. Oh.my.gawd.

13. We had a blast on the cruise. I held...HELD at sting ray...like a wild one...like in the ocean. It was like omg. so cool.

14. I am pretty sure I will have a panic attack and fall out on the floor if I have to fly again any time soon. Who knew I valued my life so much.

15. I can't wait to get back to the beach. This time with my rugrats.

16. We now have 3 kids, 2 dogs, and 3 cats...what am I thinking.

Four

Today we celebrate Gavin. He is 4. He is proud to be 4. Ear to ear grins at this milestone his best friends met months ago...he is ecstatic. At 12:14 4 years ago today...all 7lbs 6oz. And now at 4 he weighs in at roughly 30lbs. He's still a petite little guy but has enough personality for a 200lb man. I am pretty sure he thinks he is a 200lb man actually because he sure has enough opinion for one too. He's a fantastic boy. Most people think he's a laid back, easy going kid. Little do they know he's a feisty, ornery, silly boy. He's considerate and caring--for most people. We call him Prince Gavin. He is not fond of this title but it's quite fitting still. He wakes in the morning demanding milk. He asks to be covered by his blanket but gets angry if it's not "the white side". He likes things his way or the highway. We are slowing improving on this attitude but at 4 he's pretty sure that's how it goes. He's pretty sure Jakeb and Zachary hung the moon. Especially Jakeb. Zachary and Gavin have a love-hate relationship. Their all boy, silly, personalities are so similar that they butt heads. But watch out because they are very protective of each other. Gavin is an amazing little boy. He's cute, smart, bossy, opinionated, demanding, funny, and awesome. It's hard to describe him really without sounding like he's a bad boy. He's an awesome, awesome kid...but he tries our patience daily. But at the end of the day I sit back and laugh at his antics and try to figure out how to parent him best the next day. He is very stubborn and very strong willed and even more opinionated about how he wants things than I am--that's A LOT of opinion. I personally think it's awesome, he's going to be one kick ass adult. But at 4 it's hard for him and for us--though I seriously would not change one thing about him. It's nice to be kept on our toes! At 4 he knows every letter of the alphabet, he knows his numbers 1-10 and can count to 40--once he gets past the teens! He has been potty trained for nearly 2 years and has very few accidents. He still hates all fruit and has a love affair with chocalate. He eats salad and veggies with ease. He seems to grasp new concepts and ideas very easily. I love him with all my heart and am so proud of all he is.

Sweet Dreams

I often think of "the perfect" blog post while I lie in bed at night...just before I fall asleep. Now these are quick fleeting thoughts because on a typical night my head hits the pillow...I roll over...I fall asleep. End of story. But ocassionally I get the ole thinking box going and my thoughts actually come together decently enough and I think "oh I should blog about that" then I fall asleep and that's that. I wake up wondering what genius I had thought about the night before...I almost remember but just like that *poof* it's gone. I remind myself I should put a notebook by the bed...but know I would never actually sit up, turn the light on, pick up the book, and write. That would defeat the purpose of you know...getting in bed.


However...a few weeks ago. After I threw a temper tantrum of all temper tantrums over a hotel room mix up in Georgia. Boy was I fuming. It was late...we had to get up early. I was exhausted, the kids were exhausted...I was looking forward to jammies and bed. I knew I would be sharing because with 5 people and a tight budget we usually get a double queen suite and bunk up. This evening however we opened the door to a King size...yes ONE bed. So we all truck back to the elevator hauling our load...we wait and are told "I am sorry that's our only room." Yes, I might have lost my mind...there are 5 of us!? Where are we going to sleep...Hello!? Robert however did not rip them to shreds like I demanded he do and we worked it out. But as I lay in bed calming down for the night...it dawned on me that I was being ridiculous. I am throwing a fit because I might have to cram my entire family into one bed. A bed? Really. Over a bed? Because I am pretty darn sure millions of people around the world are lucky to sleep inside at all...much less in a king size pillow top bed at the Marriott--that they just happen to be lucky enough to share with their family. It was a humbling thought and realization. We did not have to all share the bed, and in fact a roll away was brought in...I instead got to share with a stinky breath, sweaty foot 8 year old and a drooling, bed hogging 6 year old and I was lucky to get to. Yet my first cynical thoughts were to bitch because O.M.G we had to share a tiny king size room!? The 5 of us, how dare them...the nerve! Wow. Not exactly how I want to lead my life. From those thoughts my mind spun around into thinking that I often feel like I float thru life trying to grasp onto moments and memories, thoughts and ideas. Always just out of my reach. Like floating down a river grasping at branches as they pass. I know I have control over my life but often it just seems like it is floating right on by and I am not doing all the things I know I want to and can do. I don't know how to slow the boat and grab on. I worry about what's around the bend that I can't see. But I do know I want to help more and do more. I always have and am confident I will find my way in doing just that. I wish I could remember how exactly my thoughts twisted into "I'm on a boat" and maybe one day I will be reflecting again and may remember but pretty sure that it's gone. gone. gone.

Jakeb...holding a baby duck. I was impressed...he's not much for anything "different"

Times up

I am still working on implementing the 1,2,3 Magic system I raved about a couple dozen posts back. Some days I manage to keep the yelling to a dull roar and manage to consistently count myself down--er count Gavin down. It's very effective for Mr. Sassy pants. However he recently has begun yelling at me "No! Don't count!" or sobs as soon as I say 1. This morning he begged me to start over and got panicky when he thought he was always going to be at a 3--asking me "I am going to be at the end foreva!?" He's a smart cookie and picks up ideas and concepts quickly....recently I discovered he is learning to tell time-- on a digital clock but still I am impressed. He talks numbers all the time...like "2 and 3 make 23, 5 and 7 make 57" and "I am 3 and after 3 is 4 and then after that is 5"...we talk about ages ALL.THE.TIME. He and Zachary seem much more into numbers and math--which is neat to see, especially at such young ages.
Both Jakeb and Zachary received awards again for the 6 weeks at their schools. In Kindergarten the school does Stallion Star awards for those who are doing well in all areas...Zachary has received this every 6 weeks this year. As the kids get into older grades they begin including Math, Writing and Reading awards and do away with the Stallion Star. Jakeb received a math award the last two 6 weeks and this past week received both a Outstanding Writer AND a Outstanding Reader award for the 5th 6 weeks. Both boys are doing amazingly well in school.
With everything going on I feel like I have neglected my posts about what's going on with them...funny things they have said or done.
Gavin has started baseball and seriously loves it, and it seems to come naturally to him. His playing has gotten Zachary wanting to play again so once we get settled we will look into signing them both up when the season starts up. Jakeb is doing well with guitar and really seems to enjoy it a lot. He seems very, very into music and I hope he can stick with it. He has said some relatively profound things (for an 8 year old) in the past regarding music and it being in his head and heart so I know it's something he feels passionately about.
We are all anxious to be in our new house, it's sitting with all of our things in it just waiting for us to live in it!

Say wha?

Still here....just truckin on thru the days. Here's the run down....in 4 days Gavin will turn 4, yes you read that right he was born 4 years ago Sunday. I know shocker. In 5 days we will be on a plane to Ft. Lauderdale, to be on a boat headed for Grand Cayman...yes I am excited--once I get over the sheer panic I feel of leaving the kids for 5 days and jumping on a plane. Fear of flying...apparently I have one that has developed since giving birth to 3 children who need a mother. Other than that I can.not.wait. to have sand between my toes and sunshine on my nose. Holy crap it's going to be awesomeness. Provided our plane doesn't plummet into the earth and all. Yes I just typed that. I am pretty sure if I joke about it it won't happen. I hope. In 10 days I will be 3 decades old...er young. Yes you read that right I was born 30 years ago next Friday. I might just might need to do a tribute post to myself--or I will take volunteers. But let's not all volunteer at once. In 18 days we will host a party in honor of Gavin's 4th birthday. In 29 days we will celebrate the last day of school--officially ending our stay at the in laws and beginning our stay at our new house. Finally. Now the stay at the in laws thus far has been fabulous, but I do much prefer living in my own house. And I miss my Bailey dog...who must be quite confused but enjoying his vacation at Grandma's house where he is allowed to sleep on the bed without getting yelled at and is enjoying cat food on a regular basis.

But in the short run...in 14 minutes I must leave to snag my big boys from school. If I focus on smaller time frames my head won't explode. Seems to be working so far.

Just Smile.

Yeah, that fantastic..."light up the room" smile. It comes from her. Several photos I have taken of my grandmother recently are of this smile...and I love it. It's fantastic. It's genuine and real. And I wish we were closer and could get to know each other better. Visits once...maybe twice a year just don't cut it. Having children puts family in a new perspective. And I would guess 4 Great-Grandchildren does too...my boys with my mom's mom--Great-Grandma H, with the newest addition baby cousin Alex....

On Patience.

Anyone that knows me knows that I am not a extraordinarily patient person--of course really who is. When it comes to the kids my patience ruler is very short...this applies almost 100% to my children other children I have much more patience for...usually.

The past 3 years have forced me to stretch my patience to a new level. With each one of our boys we decided we wanted to have a baby and 9 months later we did. As many have heard me say in the past we are not opposed to a 4th--in fact *I* especially would LOVE a 4th. Boy or girl makes no difference. But this time around hasn't been the same. Here we sit nearly 3 years later. Truly it's been a blessing. At first it was heart wrenching. But as time went by and numerous negative pregnancy tests....I began to wonder if #4 was a good idea. I mean after all we have 3 perfect little boys why test it by asking for another. I began to question if we could handle another. With each passing year the boys get busier and busier. After a little more time I was 75% sure we were done. 3 is the magic number. Then a little more time passed and I was 75% sure 4 is the magic number. Either way our decision falls--my patience has been tested to the ultimate level. Not many understand my/our desire for another--but it's there none the less. Wrong or right it's there.

The past 4 months have been even more nerve rattling. In February we decided to uproot the family and move to Georgia. We listed our house--not much waiting happened. In less than 2 weeks we had an offer. On March 26th we closed...selling our home. Then we waited on April 15th we bought a new home. And now we wait. May 3rd we leave to go on a cruise. And then we wait. At the end of May we will move into our new home...in Georgia. And it's all a waiting game for now. Despite it all--I couldn't imagine doing this with 4 children. With a newborn or being pregnant.

And all of this is forcing me to be patient--to slow down. to relax. to breath. and to enjoy it.

Nice Mill

A good deal of my childhood was spent living with a creek just a short walk accross the field from my house. It was loads and loads of fun for my brothers and I...we had a blast. Granted an ocean would have been bliss--but a creek works too. So as we drove home from school the other day I stopped at a local creek/dam/river/I don't know what to call it. And let the kids slip their shoes off and splash around....for anyone who has never done this try it's fun. However you must remember that often rocks are slippery, slimy and you most likely WILL fall. I knew this probably would happen and sure enough it did. They scooted their little feet around the rocks--actually it was just one GIANT flat rock and within 3 minutes we had a man down. Jakeb was the first to hit the ground--and it was hysterical. He slipped, he slid, he scooted, he wobbled..he stopped...he had it...he was ok....and then he fell. Splat. And much to my surprise he laughed. He was ok when I laughed with/at him...and he laughed well. It was perfect and just what I had hoped to see when I decided to surprise them with the stop. Shortly after he fell Zachary fell, and then Alex--those 2 just might have fallen on purpose, but I won't tell. Gavin wasn't too keen on the gunky feeling nor the cold water so he opted to hang out with me on the side. But boy were they cute. I like to surprise them with "adventures" like this from time to time. We skipped karate and played in the creek. Zachary has asked everyday since if we could stop again and we will....and Lucky for me (and you) my camera was with me...

Sawnee saw who

Yesterday I called to have our electric and water turned out at our new house. While it's not 110% official, signed the papers, have the key OUR house. We are 6 short days away--everything is a-ok on all fronts. And what minor issues we are having should be fixed by the end of the day--mortgage tip do your homework and take notes.
Things are going just fine at the in laws. We all seem to do our own thing and they help as needed, mostly with the pets which is super fantastic. It's odd being here with the animals as well so they have gotten slightly neglected. Though 2 are in the room not 5 feet from me as I type and seem to be just hunky dory.
Next week we plan to head down for closing and will take the boys by the house for the first time--and us for the SECOND time. Wow. We are buying a house after looking at it ONE time. That's a weird feeling. But quite fantastic at the same time. Fingers crossed we didn't jump the gun, that we didn't rush into this, that we made the right decision. Only time will tell.

Chi-town

A couple weeks ago for Jakeb's birthday we headed north to help Jakeb ring in his 8th Birthday in style by taking a trip to Chicago. We have this "plan" that after the boys turn 5 we for-go the big partay's at funky over priced (but extra fun) places and instead will do something more low key and family style. Granted trips to Chicago aren't exactly "low key" it was definitely low stress--which is key. With each birthday being roughly 6 weeks apart, the parties got to be a bit much for my planning abilities and our the pocket book. SO....Zachary got a sleep over which was relatively in expensive but relatively stressful as we ended up with more children than the Duggar's first season at our house. Jakeb got a trip to Chicago--namely Legoland and the 2 story McDonald's. I am pretty sure fun was had at both locations...however our countrified boys were not up for the windy and big city. Next time we head to Chi-town needs to be dead summer, the cold wind was a bit much. I did manage some pretty fantastic shots of our never ending romp around the city on our quest to actually locate the 2 story McDonald's. And then treacherous walk back to the Navy Pier. I was not pleased...I envisioned skipping thru the park and awed little faces at the magnitude of the buildings in the city. While they were slightly thrilled for 2.36 seconds they were more worried about staying warm and not being blown away by chilly gusts of wind. I did pack accordingly--or so I thought. Having said all that Jakeb did deem the trip a success and was pleased.