Sweet Dreams

I often think of "the perfect" blog post while I lie in bed at night...just before I fall asleep. Now these are quick fleeting thoughts because on a typical night my head hits the pillow...I roll over...I fall asleep. End of story. But ocassionally I get the ole thinking box going and my thoughts actually come together decently enough and I think "oh I should blog about that" then I fall asleep and that's that. I wake up wondering what genius I had thought about the night before...I almost remember but just like that *poof* it's gone. I remind myself I should put a notebook by the bed...but know I would never actually sit up, turn the light on, pick up the book, and write. That would defeat the purpose of you know...getting in bed.


However...a few weeks ago. After I threw a temper tantrum of all temper tantrums over a hotel room mix up in Georgia. Boy was I fuming. It was late...we had to get up early. I was exhausted, the kids were exhausted...I was looking forward to jammies and bed. I knew I would be sharing because with 5 people and a tight budget we usually get a double queen suite and bunk up. This evening however we opened the door to a King size...yes ONE bed. So we all truck back to the elevator hauling our load...we wait and are told "I am sorry that's our only room." Yes, I might have lost my mind...there are 5 of us!? Where are we going to sleep...Hello!? Robert however did not rip them to shreds like I demanded he do and we worked it out. But as I lay in bed calming down for the night...it dawned on me that I was being ridiculous. I am throwing a fit because I might have to cram my entire family into one bed. A bed? Really. Over a bed? Because I am pretty darn sure millions of people around the world are lucky to sleep inside at all...much less in a king size pillow top bed at the Marriott--that they just happen to be lucky enough to share with their family. It was a humbling thought and realization. We did not have to all share the bed, and in fact a roll away was brought in...I instead got to share with a stinky breath, sweaty foot 8 year old and a drooling, bed hogging 6 year old and I was lucky to get to. Yet my first cynical thoughts were to bitch because O.M.G we had to share a tiny king size room!? The 5 of us, how dare them...the nerve! Wow. Not exactly how I want to lead my life. From those thoughts my mind spun around into thinking that I often feel like I float thru life trying to grasp onto moments and memories, thoughts and ideas. Always just out of my reach. Like floating down a river grasping at branches as they pass. I know I have control over my life but often it just seems like it is floating right on by and I am not doing all the things I know I want to and can do. I don't know how to slow the boat and grab on. I worry about what's around the bend that I can't see. But I do know I want to help more and do more. I always have and am confident I will find my way in doing just that. I wish I could remember how exactly my thoughts twisted into "I'm on a boat" and maybe one day I will be reflecting again and may remember but pretty sure that it's gone. gone. gone.

Jakeb...holding a baby duck. I was impressed...he's not much for anything "different"