Thirty and purty

Me at 30. At 30 years old I am finally finding me and being a-ok with me. I am full of flaws and full of wonderfulness. I am sensitive and caring and extraordinarily compassionate. I can't say no. I am hidden. I am opinionated when I need to be and often when I don't. I want. I love. I have a mean streak. I am happy. I laugh. I am unhappy. But I am ok with me. I am stubborn. I am funny. I am silly. I have 3 little boys who love me dearly. I am a wonderful mother. Sometimes I am a sucky mother. I yell. I worry so very much. I am scared. I am 30 and I am finally ok with me. I am more than ok with me. Most days I really like me. Some days I hate me, but know that is a ridiculous notion. I love to have fun. I am learning to have fun again, because I lost it for a while. I am beautiful in so many ways. I hurt. I ache. I am secret. I photograph. I cry. I am me. And my whole life I struggled to be anything but me, yet at 30 I know that's all I can be.
At 30 I have 3 little boys who rock my little tiny world. I long for more but love oh do I love what I have. At 30 I have been married for 8 1/2 years to a man who is amazing that I love like no other. I have 2 amazing parents who love me like no other. I have an fabulous family. I have rockin' friends.
Today at 30 years old while driving in the car with my 8 year old little boy and sharing with him a great many of my favorite songs. I drove with my arm out the window. My first notion was to pull it back in, because most 30 year old minivan driving mom's don't drive waving their arm to the music out the window. Then I began to wonder why not, why not? I did at 20, it's one of the reasons my husband liked me...I was carefree, I had fun. So why shouldn't I at 30? But at 30 I still love to ride with the windows down and the music up and every once in a while I dance my hand out the window to the music. And I smile. And for this moment today I love me and all that I am, all that have, all that I will be, and all that will be because of me.