Missing.

A few days ago I was watching pictures scroll thru on the digital picture frame we have in our living room...pictures that have been on the frame for a great while now and really need to be updated--which is totally not my point--as I watched the pictures of Jakeb as a preschooler and Zachary as a toddler and Gavin as a tiny baby I realized for the first time that I miss that. I miss the busyness of 3 little ones and the fun of dragging them around to various actitivies. I didn't appreciate it all at the time--I suppose we never do. But now as they are older and {sassier} and much more independent--I do miss it. I have Nolan (who is sleeping right next to me on the bed) but this is the first time in many years that I have a baby and no toddler to keep up with as well and as crazy as it sounds to say I miss that. I have said it before but I don't miss the big boys as babies as much as I miss them as toddlers and little tiny tikes. I miss their curiousity and little voices. I think I relisheed in their babyhood so very much and squeezed every lost drop of that time that I could. And while I do miss that stage I don't miss it quite as much. They really aren't that much older and on one hand they are easier and more fun but on the other it's harder. Jakeb and Zachary are big kids really--I know Zachary is only 7 (almost 8!) but he has always been "older" so while he's young he still is more of a big kid than a little. Which means that they need me less (yay!--boo!) and also they are rowdier and sassier and just more. Though also they are helpful and independent and did I say HELPFUL?! Because that is fabulous. I can talk with them and have big kid conversations and we can just hang out. So they are great at this age too but I miss their little squeaky voices and their innocence. Definitely the innocence and the wonder..I miss that. Gavin is going on 6 but is still my little buddy and that makes me happy. They all make me happy--and soon enough I will miss 9 and 7 and 5.