Hold it.

Everyone is back at school as of yesterday.  Nolan is still wheezing and congested but I think (I hope!) we are over the worst of it.  Baby colds suck, especially when you know it can be bad and scary (thank you RSV)...the other night Robert and I were chilin' on the couch and Nolan coughed, gagged, and threw up lots o' mucous.  In the midst of it I heard him gasp for air and breathe in all the gunk he was trying to throw up...it occurred to me that if baby boy was really choking I would not know what to do.  That scared me and made for a few moments of panic...enter YouTube.  I looked up several videos on infant CPR and infant choking and feel much better should the event occur.  How on the 4th babe I am just now getting to that is beyond me.  Other than I just worry more now.  Go figure.

We got our letter to Colombi@, requesting that our application to adopt be put on hold for a year, typed up and ready to head on out.  In hindsight we should have had this ready to go before Nolan was even born.  Because as it stands things won't come off of hold until likely February of 2013.  But we didn't...I wish we didn't have to put it on hold but we do and it is what it is.  We financially couldn't finish up things right now anyway so it's for the best but still is stinky.  I found the basket of clothes I had bought for the Colombi@n Cutie this past weekend and it just makes me remember how excited and anxious we were---and I am still but knowing that we have to focus on other things right now forces me to push all of that aside.  Not to mention I think I would go nuts if I was completely consumed with all things adoption--while we can do nothing.  So that's getting done as well as the update to our home study and renewal of our USCIS approval.  And then we wait and enjoy this little guy and have more time to ready ourselves both financially and emotionally.