Cloth diapers and slings and boobies

I have nursed each of my kids well past 1 year of age. Something I am both shocked at and proud of. When Jakeb was born I went into the whole breastfeeding thing thinking I may nurse him for 2 months, or 4 or who knows....as each month rolled past I couldn't believe it. Then came Zachary whose beginnings into nursing were a bit more tumultuous for me...and him as we soon learned he had reflux and based on the vomit stain that ended up on the wall 3 feet from the bed it was evident it existed. He then nursed for 22 months and that is beyond shocking. And I often find myself justifying that to others but when really it's no big deal. But by the time Gavin came around it was a breeze and also a bit demanding. Afterall 7+ years of having someone else depend on you for you know life is a bit overwhelming.

I gave cloth diapering a try with Zman but gave up after finding him soaked in his bed more times than not..it seems I can recall giving them a whirl with Gavin and also giving up for probably the same reasons. I am thinking I would like to give them a whirl again...afterall the cuteness factor is just about enough of a reason for me. But eesh it's overwhelming....finding the right diaper for the right kid...so we'll see.

I did the snugli with Jakeb from time to time and the Baby Bjorn with Zachary quite often with Gavin we did the Bjorn and often tossed him a sling as he got older. So this go round I am quite looking forward to slings and carriers to try...especially since they have gotten so much neater! I know lame sauce that I think baby slings and carriers are neato schmeato but from someone who has babies that like to snuggle they are a lifesaver! Really this post is all over the grid....and lest you think we are all crunchy over hear....my kids had Eggo's with Mrs. Butterworths fake (but oh so tasty) syrup for breakfast. I mean Eggo's are like da bomb and I have been eating them at least once a week since I was like 15...even with a few frozen waffle strikes thrown in. Yum.

Twelve on Tuesday

1. The kids and I went to the Free Movies today with half of Georgia. It was insane....insane people....insane. The $1 popcorn helped make it better but almost wasn't worth the insanity that was the packed theater. There were buses of children...enough said.

2. In 6 days all 3 boys will be in school and thus will commence my days of watching soap operas and napping on the couch projects.

3. My kids are total home bodies....this is good for the budget but boring for me.

4. I applied for a j.o.b. at a work at home place....I worked there before for roughly 4 or 5 months. We will see dunno if I am up for it...I am however up for the extra moola.

5. Be pregnant with a 4th kid at 31 is harder than one might think. I mean sure sure it could be my 17th or I could be 49 or something but I'm not and I am still whining.

6. I also can't wait to see his little face...I mean I can but am quite excited about it.

7. It's hot outside. It's summer so duh.

8. I just had to say "I would like for you to find something else to do then stick stuff in the freezer" Did I mention 6 days?

9. I took a pair of blue jeans back to Old Navy that were atrocious and let the boys pick out a new shirt for their first day of school--I should have kept the blue jeans. Their idea of cute and my idea of cute--uh yeah not the same.

10. We cut our cable back yesterday we now have 200 channels instead of 340 and are saving roughly $15 for some reason this just doesn't feel like the saving money notion we were going for. Granted $15 is $15 but really....then again I suppose we couldn't do with out TLC, ESPN, and Nickelodeon. That would be slumming it. *headsmack*

11. I keep having good intentions about taking pictures but my camera actually has dust on it...oops.

12. Now I am going to go lay on the couch and watch TLC...you know roughing it.

Droid Pictures.

A never ending quest.

Anyone that knows me for 5 milliseconds---or let me say this again--anyone who has been to our house at least twice knows that I like to keep things spiced up and am prone to up and move furniture or paintings or clothes or whatever, however and whenever. Anyone who has read this blog knows this because I comment on this all the time. I am never 100% satisfied with the appearance of things in my house and since buying new isn't an option I move things around. Because hello moving the couch is totally like getting a new one--or something like that. Don't worry my pregnant self didn't move the couch or anything large. I did have my burly muscular little boys carry their easel back up stairs and the heavy vacuum cleaner back down. I have however been reorganizing again. Though upon first glance it would like less like organizing and more like a gigantic mess thrown about the room. This started as we hunted for googley eyes so we could make angry birds. Needless to say I found them--after I stopped looking and in the most obscure place. Go figure. And needless to say we haven't made angry birds yet. The organization is never ending because this house--which is made for a many personed family to live in has ZERO storage. As in we have 2 closets that are not in bedrooms and one bedroom without a closet. Have I mentioned we have no pantry because if I haven't...WE HAVE NO PANTRY. It's redonk...every single house we have ever purchased my #1 priority was it must have a pantry. Yet somehow none of them have ever had a pantry. Not one house. Are you kidding me again with the no pantry thing. Ok ok. I digress. And I improvise with baskets of randomness all over the place. If I had a pantry my baskets of randomness would live there. Just saying. Baskets of art supplies and school papers and snacks and more art supplies and playdoh and moon sand and hats and gloves and OMG why can't I find anything. I am wondering if it be would be totally crazy to make our coat closet a pantry. It does house coats currently but we could hang them elsewhere. It is also in the foyer--as in right when you walk in the front door--of the house around the corner from the kitchen. But it would make a lovely pantry. Anyway not my point at all...though the title of this post is also fitting for the pantry situation. My point is I am forever organizing and reorganizing and things never seem to stay where I tell them. And I suppose that's really all I have to say about that....since I totally derailed on the pantry rant. I feel like I should maybe continue on with that....but maybe I shouldn't for fear that I will hit publish as I walk away to build a pantry---oh wait there is no place to do so. This coat closet is seeming more and more appealing. All it needs is 3 more little shelves and it's pantry ready! Or maybe we really don't need this little hall bathroom. Anyone have the laundry in the garage is this nutso thinking as well?

On another note today is the last day for swim lessons--I must admit I am glad for this the 45 minutes of exposure to intense chlorine fumes is getting to me. Obviously.

Big Kids.

Eek. So I have those now...or at least I have one of them. A big kid. Really I have 2, because big kid number 1 is the oldest and Zman is just as much a big kid as his big brother. When we go to the park or play places that also include toddlers I try to be very aware that they are now the big kids toddler moms dread. I try to make sure they are careful and don't trample the little ones. And if they do they really, really don't mean to and I hope say sorry and make sure they are ok. Because while they are big they are still pretty little at heart. They want to run and be silly and play just like that toddler...they are just better at it now. They are much more efficient and bounding up the stairs and can swing to the sky and race around the play ground with ease. In fact big kid #1 often doesn't even want to go to the playground.

So as I was blog reading this morning and looking at pictures of other not quite big kids it occurs to me that I miss the ease of being able to take them various places and it still be new. I miss the wonder they had when a wee bit younger. Now they are homebodies who love their toys and don't love coloring and reading and puzzle making. Basically I don't know what to do with them. Which is tough! They spend much of their day playing with each other and get lost in some imaginary game. Now I am thrilled they can still do do this and that they do but I feel a bit guilty that we go all day with little interaction. Even if they are doing exactly what they want to do. Big kids are easy but tough at the same time. Gone of the days are playgroups and fingerpainting and figuring out what is the next step is more difficult than one might think. Step by step.

Twelve on Tuesday

1. It is quite amazing how little I care about cleaning the house these days. I mean don't get me wrong I have moments of head spinning at the mess but for the most part--it's whatever, pink scum in the toilet it's cool if it sits a few more days, the toothpaste on the counter that may or may not have cat hair stuck to it--not my bathroom so whatev. Dishes in the sink overnight, hell hath frozen over or not. Surprise, Surprise--we are all still alive even with a little extra dirty.

2. Having said all that I did just clean the bathrooms--and I will say I can't believe how quickly scum rings start growing in the toilets here, like it's abnormally fast. So they get some extra growing time these days...it's cool.

3. I am getting anxious about school starting--I can't believe it's less than 2 weeks away. I snagged a few school supplies over the weekend and the boys back packs are good as new from last year. New sneakers on their feet and they are good to go.

4. A certain tween boy in this house is getting a "bit too big for his britches" lately....the eye rolling and my mom is an idiot face has been thrown a round quite a bit recently. His new thing is being totally insulted that I cannot remember which way his hair parts. I mean like completely offended that I can't even remember which way my own kids hair parts. Heaven forbid--apparently I should have their entire bodies mapped out mentally. My bad. Back to the books for me.

5. Swim lessons are still rockin' and a rollin' and we have 3 more days--including this afternoon. Gavin is pretty much over it. Jakeb and Zachary are learning some strokes and I think that's cool.

6. My mom is coming down for a visit this weekend and I am stoked :)

7. It's hot. We were treated miraculously to fall like weather over the weekend...it's was neato schmeato....but it's gone. And the heat has returned...our electric bill came yesterday. Eek.

8. Also how in the world is it really past the middle of July.

9. I have been running thru my head the items we will need for baby Nolan...uh yeah it's not a lot but it's a wee bit overwhelming. First on the list--stop buying sleepers and gowns.....

10. I am pretty sure I am going to give cloth diapering a whirl again--in combo with disposable but we will see. I had a hard time when I tried it with Zachary and ended up giving up. They leaked pee every time the kid slept.

11. Jakeb and Zachary had their 9 and 7 year check ups yesterday morning...yes they turned 9 and 7 many months ago, but we got off track last year and can't get back. Aside from that summer works best! Anyway--all is good with both. They are skinny mini's at roughly average height. Shocker.

12. 2 years or so ago--I received the best gift ever. Ipod and dock courtesy of Robert and I STILL use it every single day. Much like I am now...listening to tunes and the kids play.

In A People House.

So here I am here...31 years oldish...and having a revelation of sorts that I think has been coming on slowly since like forever...that maybe I am not really a people person. Like you know...I like people for the most part but I have a hard time with people. I can socialize and be friendly and even pretty darn funny. Yet I walk away with an odd sense of awkwardness and sometimes a wee bit of confusion. I have friends...a few that I talk to nearly everyday and a few that I talk to nearly every month. They are rockin' friends that I totally can kick it with and be me. I think they get me and I think I get them and we are cool like that.

But here's the truth...I avoid small talk if at all possible. If I have only met you a few times and I see you in the store the truth of it is...I probably will hide. Is that awful? Because I swear it's not you, whoever you may be, it's that I seriously can not deal with awkward conversations. But I see you kinda hide to so I know I am not alone. They almost hurt guys--ok that's a bit far but eesh I don't like walking away from that conversation rehashing what I said and doing a mental head smack or the worst...when to walk away? I know I am not alone in feeling this way, there are other socially inept folks out there, I am positive of this. I have a hard time dealing with that odd man at the grocery store who wants to talk about nothing at all but makes me totally uncomfortable for no good reason at all. Here's another thing...a little not so big secret...I am not ok with random and even not so random people touching me. It seems I give this vibe off pretty well albeit unintentional...like a sign somewhere over my crossed arms that says "don't hug me" but some people just miss that. I mean really I will hug you, I promise but let me initiate it mmmk? I am not frail or a germ-a-phobe. I am just a touch me not...I have a pretty wide circle of personal space.

So really...the thing is. I recently went out with some folks I sorta kinda know at an ok level...like let's go to dinner sure ok...at dinner other people show up that I both know and absolutely don't know and there was hugging. I mean really, I don't know you don't give me a full on cheek to cheek hug. First off Rachel already in uncomfy land...dinner with newish people and small talk city and oy the pressure, then we bring in more new folks and there is hugging? Now I promise I am friendly--really, I try and I hope the awkward isn't as apparent as it feels. So it occurred to me that maybe I am just not the best people person or maybe it's just feeling intense around here since everyone I meet here in good ole' GA is you know...new and full of small talk and it's flat out wearing me out. Or maybe it's everyone but no one really wants to say it? But then I think...should I really be worn out from small talk and new people. But guys it's mentally exhausting for me...it just is. And that's ok.

But I promise if I meet you please talk to me if you want to hug me you can just be prepared for awkward. I swear I like people--I just am not overly great about new people because of my awkward. I swear where I am now is huge progress though. Swear and promise.

Best Bros.

(these pictures are from July of last year)

The boys state this to each other frequently enough that it certainly can't go without documenting. That at least now at 9, 7, and 5 they consider each other "best bros". I hope this stays with them in some form or fashion for the rest of their lives. I watch them together and love the bond they have so strongly. Don't get me wrong they bicker and fight and often say not so nice things to each other--but most days and most parts of the days they are together working out some game or plan. When we go places I watch them shuffle together in a group--often hands touching shoulders or fingers slightly intertwined. They follow each other in a row like little ducks 1,2,3. They huddle together trying to decide what to do, where to go next together. They whisper and giggle and play silly games. My heart bursts with joy just watching them together...I wonder how a 4th will play into the mix. I imagine he will be holding Jakeb's hand, tucked under Zachary's protective wing, and hopefully giggling with Gavin--though right now Gavin would be holding Jakeb's other hand. Poor Jakeb has no idea how much they adore him, he can shout a particular way and like 2 little mocking birds they mimic his exact words. Such a load to bear for him but he does it so well. It helps that his brothers are almost a polar opposite of him. They all 3 compliment each other so well it's amazing. Big brother ever so cautious helps calm the wild tendencies of his little brothers down while at the same time his little brothers help him coax him out of his shell ever so gently.

Together is what they are and what I hope they remain. I know their relationships will wax and wan over time but I hope the bond they have now always remains and always returns.

Struggling.

I am having a hard time keeping up lately. Hmm...maybe I should say a harder time? Any mother knows the duties are never ending. Laundry, cleaning, feeding, washing, brushing, only to repeat it all the next day and the next and the next....not to mention all the things in that list I didn't mention. Like you know playing with the children, paying the bills, showering, feeding the pets, heck even checking the mail. Though often that is the highlight of my day....lame I know. We got a new washing machine on Tuesday...and after the boys swim lesson I told them we had to hurry home so I could play with it. More lameness. They got it...it's a pretty little machine.

Since being pregnant my energy level has taken a nose dive...at one point I am pretty sure I heard it hit the floor and burst into flames. Most days I can crank it up to a nice tolerable level...until about 3 and then it plummets again. I have bumped dinner time back roughly an hour mostly because Robert gets home and can help me get a little burst of energy to cook--or better still watch him cook. He's cool like that.

But the lack of energy is taking it's toll on me emotionally as well as physically. I don't remember feeling so blah with the big boys...and folks it's not in my nature to laze about that's mentally exhausting for me. Weird I know but true...some days I can laze around and breathe a sigh of relief to just relax. Most days no...however since oh mid March my days consist of barely being able to muster enough energy to shower much less feeding people a decent meal or washing and folding their laundry.

Dear Nolan.

Our sweet little surprise gift. I have been thinking about my feelings and emotions towards being pregnant again a lot recently. I find it funny that it still blows my mind that there is another little boy rolling around in my belly. At 21 weeks over halfway thru my pregnancy. My favorite time of day is laying in bed at night feeling your kicks and flops and I *think* hiccups. I have said that you are a mover and a groover but I am not so sure you are a rowdy one. Your big brothers are certainly full of sweetness but my feeling about you is that you are overflowing with it. That you are gentle and playful. I see your ultrasound picture every single day and my heart swells with happiness and sweetness. We shall see soon enough but day dreaming about you is lovely. I try to imagine your eyes and your sweet little nose and your skin and your hair. Will it be brown like your biggest brothers or blonde like your littlest of the big brothers or even still a different color all together. Will you have freckles like your uncle or dark skin that tans like a biscuit like Zachary. That fact that you are even you is amazing enough and that you will be here in a very short time even more shocking. We are so anxious to see you and hold you and meet your sweet little face and the sweet little person that you are. The love I feel for you already is amazing and overwhelming and so very welcome.

Twelve for Tuesday

1. Today is Robert's Birthday!! Happy Birthday to an awesome husband and wonderful father!

2. Our washing machine broke Sunday...our new one was delivered this morning. The reviews on it are atrocious fingers crossed this is not the case for us.

3. The boys had dentist appts this morning. We lucked out with one itty bitty cavity in Zman's crazy teeth. He goes Friday to get it filled.

4. Next week they (Z and J) have check-ups. We are gearing up for school. Eek!

5. I must admit that the idea of not having to find childcare for my appts is certainly appealing. Despite being bummed that school is starting so very soon--I do love that.

6. I have jotted down a list of projects to try to tackle during the 7 whole hours I will have alone while they are at school. Let's see what I manage to finish before Mr. Nolan gets here.

Some are single day projects and others are a wee bit longer.

7. All 3 started swim lessons yesterday--these are much harder lessons than they anticipated, but certainly the level they are at. Learning strokes. They are cute and I am excited they are getting to do this.

8. Zachary also is starting football in a few weeks. We are secretly hoping he doesn't like it...it's a no joke commitment. But we'll see. I think I am much more into quieter sports like tennis or swimming or running and soccer.

9. Speaking of running the hardest part of swim lesson's for Zachary yesterday was kicking with a kick board. Interestingly enough leg issues/fatigue is one of the biggest things we have noticed to be a difficulty for him and attribute to his illness he had at 3. I feel like the swimming might be better for him than we realize.

10. The boys got bouncy balls at the dentist today--the coolest and worst invention ever.

11. The are bouncing them in the foyer now and I am trying to be calm about it.....

12. Calm about house destruction isn't really in my title.

Hypothesis: Everyone needs an underwater camera.

(Don't worry those teeth have braces on them now)

(I am not exactly sure whose foot that is--but am really hoping it is NOT Zachary's)

Theory Proven: Everyone needs an underwater camera.

Our summer so far.

First off school starts in 3 weeks. Um, can we say holy guacamole? First off I have one starting kindergarden in 3 weeks...secondly it's in 3 weeks! Ack. The summer hasn't gone exactly as I envisioned--firstly in that it is going by much too fast and secondly we have had a few hiccups in our time that have made this a summer to not forget in not such a good way. Having said all that I really feel that the boys are doing exactly what they want with their time off for good grades--and that is absolutely nothing. Most days they are 110% ok with sitting at home playing with their various toys--aka whatever the obsession of the week is, currently we are rolling with transformers hard core, or watching a show or 2 or 10, or playing a video game for a bit. My immediate reaction is oh no, no, no--this is not good, this is NOT a summer of fun---we aren't adventuring around the state and we certainly are not spending most of our days lounging by the pool. But then it occurred to me to A) we are doing exactly what the kids want and B) quit stressing and enjoy that the boys want to chill at home--for free and indoors. I did manage craft time one day this week...which turned out to be a borderline flop, but I still have a few more activities that hopefully we can pull off before the summer is over. Actually I have several it's just a matter of you know...doing them.

Our washing machine decided this morning was a good time to start acting all crazy by pouring water all over the floor. I am pretty sure this is an attempt to go on strike because we had the boys throw all of their sheets and quilts down to be washed--and it has been slightly overworked as of late. I am hoping a little TLC from Robert will help turn it around and if that doesn't work maybe a good kick in the motor from me will convince it. Of course as I type this I am listening to the dryer getting angry about the extra wet blanket I was forced to toss into it...I hope it's just doing a little bitching about the extra work and not actually thinking of joining it's washing friend in revolt. This is not a good situation for any of us. I guess this is just another example of why I should be glad the boys don't want to go outside and get muddy or go to the pool and dirty up towels and swim clothes...

Coupons stress me out and white bread tastes better.

The idea of saving money is a really lovely one...but it's one I can't manage. I am admitting right here and right now that the idea of cutting coupons and matching sales in various stores to save the most I can on toothpaste or macaroni stresses me out. So as a result I do not make a list, the bag full of coupons I cut and clicked expires, we run out of food, I continue to not make a list and we go spend money at a restaurant where someone else can deal with the stress of buying the food. So the obvious occurred to me recently. I said "self, do NOT do coupons. You are not saving money at all by not going to the grocery store and instead spending much too much in a restaurant for your family of 5. Self, you are released from the pressure to save money by using coupons, please commence shopping for food at regular price" Amazingly we have food again and meals are once again being prepared at home.

And folks let me tell you the pressure to use coupons and save money is there...it's huge and I was feeling like a big fat idiot for not taking advantage. OMG I could have 29 bottles of ranch dressing for FREE!!!! Even though I don't need any bottles of ranch dressing and probably won't for a year because we just don't eat it often. So I just decided to hold my head up high and NOT use coupons not because we don't need them--sure we could certainly use the extra $$ saved. Most definitely I mean hello I spent well over $200 in groceries the other day--granted this was after a food drought rolled up in here, but still. The problem isn't we don't need the moola it's that it's of no use if it is causing me mental angst and therefore costing us more money. Duh. Despite me knowing it's better to use coupons and despite me knowing it "is easy"...it's not easy for me. And I am cool with that. I do use coupons on clothes and other things so it's cool.

Another recent revelation that smacked me recently--just buy the damn white bread. Here's the thing...my kids eat wheat bread. White bread was this secret thing they didn't know about--kinda like koolaid (which I also bought recently--we are going for broke here folks--maybe literally) I am not a huge fan of wheat bread and much prefer my PB&J on soft delicious white bread. I could eat it all day long--ok not really but I love me some PB&J on white bread. But in an attempt at all things healthy-ish--sandwiches must be made on wheat bread-bought with a coupon only when they are BOGO of course. So what does Rachel do? Skip the sandwich and the semi healthy wheat bread PB&J and drove herself to Chik Fila more days than not. Until smart Rachel thought...."self this is dumb...I am sure the white bread PB&J is much better than 8 pcs of fried chicken nuggets, tasty salty waffles fries, and a soda...buy the white bread and live with less guilt, Duh". So people the lesson here--I am excepting defeat...no I am excepting that there are some things I am just not all that cut out for coupons and wheat bread are 2 of them. And we are working on baby steps here--baby step #1 stop purchasing food at restaurants. Then we can work on things like coupons and wheat bread....maybe.

Checkin' Out

A couple weeks ago now...we made our summer trek south ward for salt water and sand. Our destination this go round was Cocoa Beach. As a kid a good deal of our beach vacations were to here and thru the first 4 or so years of our marriage as well. This was our first time back to CB in 5 years (we hit up other beaches in past trips) and the boys were super excited to go again--despite really not remembering the last trip. Discussions of Cocoa Beach were apparently plentiful because they "remembered" enough to want to go back! Hello--Ron Jon's!

We also planned a surprise trip to Disney for one day and aside from being flat worn out we had a fantastic time. Jakeb learned that he really can trust us that we won't throw him on a ride that will stop his heart instantly and Gavin learned that he in fact isn't a fan of rides that have the bottom drop out suddenly in the dark (Splash Mountain--was HIS choice to ride!) Zachary also learned he is in fact the "bravest in our family" though truth be told if I wasn't pregnant I would have been on all those rides right there with him. The nice thing about Disney is that it isn't full of thrill rides and the kids and us got to chill in nice air conditioned slow rides most of the day.

The beach was fantastic. Perfect water temperatures and the boys had an absolute blast getting beat up by waves. Well that's not entirely true. By day 3 Jakeb had pretty much sworn off the ocean as a result of a few miniscule scrapes and a wee bit of a rash on his chest from the sand. I tried to convince him this were signs of a true surfer and to toss on his rash guard shirt aka swim shirt. This worked with a bit of hesitation on his part--either way they rocked boogie boarding like old pro's and based on the amount of giggling I heard from my comfy chair in the shade I would assume it was a hit.

These are the only 2 shots we got of everyone together the entire trip and Zachary (check out the first one LOL) and Robert did the goofy face thing in both. Oh well!