Heartburn Secrets

For the past week or more I have been having some relatively intense heartburn. Enough for a trip to the dr. just to confirm it is indeed heartburn. I walked away with a prescription and was told to call back in a few weeks if it's not improved. Through all of this every time I mentioned it many seemed to think "oh are you pregnant?" which I chuckled and said definitely not. All the while secretly hoping I was, but knowing I am likely not. After nearly 3 years of on and off trying I have learned not to get too excited. Many know I have mentioned wanting another. After all I have said I would like 4 kiddos...always. A few have listened to my frustrations, while thinking to themselves "she's an an idiot. 4 kids that's insane. Be happy with the 3." Many might even think 3 is crazy. I hear it in their voices. I know it's what they think...it's what most say. "Your crazy." "Better you than me!" "Wow. Are those all yours?" Don't even get me started on the all boys comments.

But here is the truth. The secret. I want another baby. I want that baby so badly my heart hurts. I imagine my 3 little boys loving on and hugging on that baby and I think my heart my burst if I ever get to see that. Most people don't get it. They don't understand. They think I am crazy, nuts, irresponsible. *shrug* Maybe. Doesn't make me want a baby any less...just secretly.