Dream a little dream.

Ever since I was a little kid I have had the profound thought (for a kid) that maybe my life was really just a dream. What if instead of this all being real it was a dream. No, I promise I am not crazy. Not really. I remember standing on the playground in roughly 3rd grade at a school I hated wondering if maybe none of this was real. My life as a child wasn't awful but it certainly wasn't the happy childhood everyone dreams up for their children. But in perspective it was pretty ok. I turned out pretty decent and so did my brothers and really that's all that matters. Fast forward 22 years or so and you get me, now. Occasionally the thought flies past that oh no, this is a dream--this life it's just a dream. These little boys are a dream. I find myself quickly looking around for a sign that it's real--oh whew a toy on the floor, a dirty sock, a tipped over shoe, the car seat in the back--yes, yes this really is my life.

So the other day when this fleeting thought ran thru my head and I did a quick glance in the back seat for a car seat I wondered why this is a thought I have had from time to time. Honestly I have no answer for that--though as an adult now I like to think that it's because my kids are like a dream. That my everything is like a dream--a good dream of course. All of the ups and downs help keep things in perspective and interesting, because duh what's a good dream without climactic points. So really it's not all perfect, just perfect for me. Complete with flaws and screw ups--I loose my patience, I spend too much time on the computer, I don't spend enough time playing with my kids, I am forgetful, I can be a wee bit critical of others at times--though I am good and reeling that back in and think that this is something so many need to work on. Especially women, so quick to judge and criticize. "Walk a mile" Anyway so NOT my point. Honestly I started this post 2 days ago and started veering off course, had to deal with a kiddo, and really am not sure that I ever had a point. Just something that I thought about while driving alone the other day, when I did a quick glance to the back seat. And then let out a barely audible probably mental "whew it's real, they are real" sigh.

These kids are amazing. I suppose all kids are amazing, especially in their parents eye. But guys these little rascals rock my world. The other day Zachary's teacher stopped me just to let me know that "He is such a joy to have in class, and she LOVES him, and he's so sweet and so funny" How awesome is that? And Gavin overheard us discussing what 5x2 is and chimed in stating no 5x2 is 7 not 10. Well of course he doesn't know what times is and jumped to addition but um Hello---that's right!? So we quizzed him on a few and by gholly he got quite a few right and then says "You know I know that because I counted in my head" Reaheallly? Mr. Smarty Pants. And Jakeb, my sweet Jakeb. He's doing so awesome, making friends and good grades and has straight A's and is so helpful these days. They are just good boys--and some of it is good parenting sure--I will take some credit but honestly they are just sweet little boys. So while some may be us, more is just them. Their personalities and demeanors...fantastic little guys.

I will dream this dream over and over everyday. And I am glad you are part of it too.

Rainy Monday Ramblings

It's a dreary rainy day here today. But something about these few and far between days is relaxing lately. The leaves all around here are absolutely gorgeous. Except those all over the yard that we spent all summer cleaning, sigh. The boys are vegging watching TV and relaxing, the animals are hovering around my desk...reminding me that they think I rock. And I am pretty sure they are very sorry for vomiting on the carpet at 4 in the morning. It happens, and because it did I took a little snooze with Gavin this afternoon all snuggled up in my comfy bed.

Today I wore my very first pair of skinny jeans and boots, the rainy day made for a good excuse--boots=no wet jeans. Score. Not sure how I feel about the look--it's cute on others, I am sure it's decent on me. Just call me Trendy. Or don't because I am so not. But I try, or something.

I goofed when I sent my paperwork to our agency last week and didn't sign one of the pages, so I need to send it again. Oops!

We finished painting the boys rooms this weekend, YAY for another completed project, and they look mighty fantastic. Eventually I will post some pictures--too dark today to take any.
I also started on the new kiddo's room, though not sure the main color just yet...all 3 kid's rooms have a brown accent wall, so I went ahead and did that. I think I will go with a shade of green on the other 3 walls. Not being able to plan is really hard for this hardcore planner. But you can bet your tooshie anything and everything I can do to prepare will be done. It's just what I do.

Thanksgiving Day head count is currently 17. Can't wait to host our first shindig in our new house. But holy crap how is it Thanksgiving already!

Basically that's all I got, I suppose.

One step closer

Our agency received our home study draft a little over a week ago. I was hoping to have it back this past week but our caseworker is actually in Colombia right now so that is slowing it down just a tad. Once they review it and ok it we will have a final copy and can officially send everything off to the US for approval.

I did send the I800A along with my check on Wednesday to our agency so once they get the official final Home Study report off it goes to the government!

Hoping to receive our approval sometime in February and then be sending our Dossier off sometime that month.

The month that Zachario turn S.E.V.E.N Wowzers.

Animal House

Every single time I clean up cat throw up off my brand new carpet or dog drool marks off the window for the umpteenth time I kick my self for owning so many blasted animals. Or I dunno dropping $500 for the cat to have surgery to remove an abscess. The lady at the "discount vet place" says I have sucker stamped on my forehead. This is probably true but I kinda love the little carpet ruining, window marking, destroyers of my house. And this time I am not talking about the boys. Because truth be told the animals destroy more than the kids.

This past weekend we had new friends over for dinner. A problem Robert and I run into in our "social circle" (if you can call it that) is that we are often a good deal younger than most folks we run into, especially if they have children our boys age. So we feel the extra need to impress and show off our maturity--which of course comes easy because we are just cool like that...or something. This particular friend set has never been to our house, so of course we are planning our best behavior. We didn't need to do the mad dash to clean because well it was relatively decent and again my motto is "wipe the piss off the toilets and we are good" (that's my mature side talking). Plus their boys had been over during the day so I could blame any extra mess on the 5 boys running thru the house. Easy peasy. So family comes in and with in fives minutes are molested by Maddie, the please make out with me while I maul you with my paws and hair dog, and have their kids coat puked on by the always puking bulimic cat. Lovely. Hello and welcome to our home. Damn animals. So Maddie is banished to her kennel where she proceeds to pee on everything. Kids wanted to show their parents the stitched up $500 cat so they all tromp upstairs to the guest room where they are greeted with a nasty stained up crime scene of a bed courtesy of a drain tube in her side. We made quite the impression obviously. We did wash their coat, feed them a tasty dinner and wine in hopes that they got tipsy enough to forget the horror of the evening.

WARNING: if you don't like seeing 6 inches of stitches in a cats side go no further....consider yourself warned.

(and side note that I probably don't need to make but am going to anyway...this is taken right when she came home, I promptly removed all bedding from the bed and tossed old sheets on the bed--so as not to ruin and nastify the guest room--said sheets have gone straight to the trash)

Rockets to the sky

No guesses...but that's cool I am used to no responses--hello I have 3 kids and it was a tricky question for the 2 of you ;) So anyway at the Apple Farm they had all sorts of fun things for the kids to do...Pillow Bounce, pony rides, playground, petting "zoo", giant slide, zip line, tricycle track etc etc. Now the pillow bounce thing was t-totally awesome and I really wanted to jump on and go to town but this was sadly not allowed.

Zachary and Gavin's favorite part of the entire trip was the trampoline bungee jump thing. I am not even kidding when I say those 2 are all about some dare devil'ness, higher and higher they kept asking to go and flipping and bouncing. They could have done it for hours. Zachary did hesistate just a wee bit when they did get him higher and pulled his feet all the way to the ground and let him go. Yes he shot way up like a kid in a giant sling shot. Cus um that's what he was.

Best Medicine

I don't know when it was I noticed, it was some time ago...but I was losing my laughter. My sense of humor. Caught up in life and the busy-ness and seriousness of it all. The stress of raising a family and the immense amount of pressure I feel to be a good mother and a good wife. It's often overwhelming--very often. But in the midst of all that the biggest and most important part of being a good wife and good mother and a good Rachel is laughing. Because when we laugh we relax, we are genuine, and we are happy. So I made it my personal goal to relax and to laugh. Seems like such an easy mundane task--to laugh really!? I mean sure I was laughing a chuckle here and there and a brief smile and the occasional belly laugh but those genuine laughs were much too few and far between. Easier said than done...to be able to laugh I need to slow down and catch those moments that will make me laugh. That's hard work when you are keeping up with 3 boys, 5 pets, a husband, a house, schedules, and life. But it helps, oh does it ever help. I am a funny girl--it's what I do. I laugh, I make others laugh, to loose that would be to loose me. It's what attracted Robert to me...that and those grey pants I have long since out grown but have kept just because. It's what attracted me to Robert he could make me laugh and he laughed at me. We laughed. We giggled. And now we have 3 little ones (and soon 2 more!) and they make us laugh. But I will miss it if I don't slow down and let them. Today we did.

Today was filled with laughter and it was wonderful.

We are hosting Thanksgiving this year and my family makes me laugh--so hard. It's what they do. And oh can they laugh. I can't wait.

and in case you need a good laugh--embarrassing yes, but I will do that for you--notice the lack of hair, that's it folks I am not kidding what I say it's thin.

Punky Punkin Punk

I have never called my kiddo's Punkin....instead I have shortened it to Punky, one time I shortened it to Punk and giggled because that just wouldn't work. Punky barely does. Right now they are often referred to as "Z", "J-baby", and "Boog" which is not short for booger....in my head it's a variation of bug but to ensure that it is properly pronounced I imagine one must spell it "boog". All of this to say that we went to the Pumpkin Apple Farm a couple weeks ago. Grandpa tagged along and it was decided this was the best Pumpkin Apple Farm we have ever been to

ETA: So after posting I usually do a once over of the finished product on the blog and I am cracking up at my unintentional arrangement of photos...As I finish up that this is the "bestPumpkin Apple Farm we have ever been to..." I follow it with a "Moonshine" sign. A) no pun intended and B) no moonshine was had or purchased.

And there is one other activity that Z and Boog did while the were at the farm that certainly deserves it's very own post....something that most definitely shows off their matching daredevil tendencies. Any ideas what that was!? A hint: They shot up like rockets!

Leaves of Change

But not really. Part of the reason I felt...feel confident in our decision to adopt and to adopt "now" is that I feel our family growing and improving and I know that now we are ready. I can't quite put it into words but there is a sense of calm and contentment here. I know Robert is feeling the same way...he doesn't have to say it, but I can tell. We are settling into our lives and it's comfortable in a very perfect way. Sure there are ups and downs and glitches along the way (thank you water heater for breaking...and thank you cat for needing surgery) but the comfort I feel with us, is lovely.

I imagine Robert being home has a good deal to do with this...and I can't think of a single reason to complain about that. Meals are being made regularly, kids are participating in activities, and house improvements are getting completed. Him being home every night is just awesome.

We have a larger-ish family and for some that just won't work but for us it does. Some days I wonder how, but yet everyday it does. I find myself nonchalantly shrugging my shoulders and mumbling to people that we are going to adopt. Most of the time I don't even mention that we are looking to adopt two children. I just can't handle the gasps, bulging eyes, and the "wow your crazy" comments. Not yet. People don't understand and I am working on my strength and confidence to tell them. Yes we will have 5 children, yes we understand what that means--as much as we can right now, yes we may struggle paying for college, no they won't be loved any less, no it won't take away from the 3 children we have now, yes they know and are so excited, and so are we.

When I look out my office window I see leaves scattered all over the yard, in our "Holly tree" is a branch from another tree an Oak I believe--it is stuck there, across the street is a perfectly colored orange and gold tree, and it's all so lovely watching them change and grow.

Good for something

Yesterday the boys were out of school...for "Teacher work day and Conferences" aka Go Vote! Which for the record Robert and I are feeling rather guilty for not voting. But in our defense we couldn't...we have yet to register to vote and honestly it snuck up on us--so yeah. Anyway.

They were home--actually they were all home Monday as well and Jakeb is home today again. He's not feeling well and Monday just seemed like a good day to let Zachary stay home--both his brothers were and well I just wanted to keep him home, so I did.

But yesterday I had the boys come into the basement/toy room and we cleaned and organized everything. Something we had not done since we moved everything down there. And being that I like organization that's what we did. This resulted in tears of course but I reminded them that they will find long lost toys and it will be easier to play and get to things if it's put away like it should be. And I will have you know that Jakeb told me Thank you not once but like 3 times yesterday. As in "Thank you for helping us organize and clean up our toys"...3 times. This after shedding many tears. Yes, yes I know he's sick but he was really just sitting sorting Lego's from Bionicles. Which also made him realize they have "too many Lego's".

I sort thru their toys often....we toss, sell, and give what they don't play with a lot. So really we don't have odds and ends floating around--at least not for long. We aren't hitting fast food very often these days so dinky kid's meal toys aren't floating around for months and we don't buy new toys often. But I still think they have a lot of toys...most of which they rarely play with...but seriously in comparison to what most kids have they don't. We have lots of Lego's, lot's Bionicles, and lots of Hot Wheels. We don't have multiple game systems and buckets of toys upon buckets of toys. Sometimes I feel bad because they don't have as much as other kids--but then I remind myself that it's by choice that they don't. Sometimes I get caught up trying to keep up..."Little Billy has that toy?? Well by golly you should too!" and then I remind myself that we don't buy it because it's not what I want them to know. Not to mention that because I go thru their toys a lot, I also see how much money has been wasted on toys and it's a lot. Like A LOT. Because they just don't use it, don't need it, and don't care. So instead of getting caught up in keeping up--I clean up and remember why we choose not to buy. That's not what we want them to learn.

And instead I buy them clothes. Because they soooo need 47 pairs of blue jeans. I promise. And I also promise I am working on that too.

and also these pictures are from last year at our old house.

Halloween

Some shots from Halloween this weekend....the boys had a good time and we have more candy than we could possibly ever eat. Next year I am asking for nickels because we would have a nice jump start to college funds if we got a nickel from each person instead of candy that is going to end up in the trash. Just sayin'. And it goes in the trash because sadly we COULD eat it all, without too much dedication.

Colombia

Nothing new really to report on the adoption front. At this point we are just waiting on our completed home study so that we can submit our paper work to the US. Our I-800A--this is basically the form requesting permission from the United States to adopt a child from a foreign country...specifically a Hague Convention country, which Colombia is.

We had our Psych analysis done almost 2 weeks ago so we are waiting on the report from that. Just for the record that test is...well it's ridiculous...it's 560+ statements you answer True/False. One statement was "I like to repair latches." Yes latches...and that would be a false. We also on that same day had our FBI fingerprinting done and mailed it off the following day.

This weekend I spoke with the program director from Gladney. He was very nice and eager to help anyway he can. From here we wait. And I must pat myself on the back because my patience has been in check thus far....I imagine I will be singing a different tune a year from now though!

After we send off the I800A we wait for our approval and from there we can send off our Dossier to Colombia....and then we wait!

Robert bought us a book this past weekend about adoption so I have been reading thru it, learning some new things to help our children adjust once they are home. It's a slow read though--which I suppose is a good thing, since I have lots of time to read and prepare.

And so we wait....

8-tween.

I was under the false impression that one isn't a tween until they are 10...you know double digits. Apparently tween-hood starts roughly around 8. So this would be the category that my sweet Jakey boy falls into. I am sorry what?

However much I would like to deny the fact that he is, in fact, getting older his actions lately are not letting me. This past week the big boys were "busted" trying to smuggle their DS's to school...to play on the bus ride home. The like 10 minute

bus ride that is "sooo long and they have nothing to dooooo" So I was the mean mom that found out (note to Zachary: if you insist that you should pack your bag and that I not look in your bag...I will in fact look in your bag. ) and then confiscated said $130 toy. Tears were shed and stomping ensued. On the ride to school I discussed with them why they couldn't bring them and how I wish they wouldn't try to sneak like that (even though I know they will again) because I will find out and they will get in trouble. To which Jakeb responded, "Yeah well, I like taking risks..." in a smug tone. I believe I stammered over my words and in fact sat there trying to figure out exactly how to respond. As it was I didn't. Jakeb is pretty much a non risk taker...feet planted firmly on the ground where it's nice and safe. So this comment was pretty much just comical. BUT um Hello he's 8, not 15.

Friday, in the tradition of Halloween, the kids could wear a "book character costume" aka their Halloween costume to school. Jakeb was beyond excited about his costume...that is until Friday on the way to school. His nerves got the best of him and he took it off. Apparently some punk kid has said Star Wars is stupid and Jakeb was too worried about that to wear it. What I wanted to tell Jakeb was who cares what some kid says....but along with that I get it. While I want him to overall not care what other kids think, I don't think telling him to get over and go with it is great either. There's such a fine line. It basically sucks. I was a kid once a very self conscience kid, very worried what others thought...it held me back...it still does. I don't want my kids overcome with that feeling--it really is awful. I just couldn't send him off feeling horrid nerves...so we compromised and I told him I thought he would be fine and should wear it, BUT if he wanted he could take it off and toss it in his bag. This is what he did and when I arrived for their "party" I found him in his costume. The problem is in 3rd grade some kids are growing past Star Wars, Lego's and toys (or at least they claim to be)....some are not. Jakeb is not. He's still for the most part a little boy. But he's crossing over and it's hard. For both of us. Finding his way, finding where he fits in. He's at a new school, new friends, and that's hard too. He calls me Mommy and snuggles on the couch but he's riddled with attitude, emotions, and has the beginnings of a chip on his shoulder. I hope we figure this out together and not apart...at least not always.

I see you and you see me

Over the years of my life I have learned that I am a relatively observant person....well most of the time. Let's not talk about the time(s) I have backed into a car in our driveway that was behind my car....aside from that I am observant. Pretty much.

Today a saw a car at the bank...a SUV actually. No biggie I see cars all the time of course. BUT this car--er SUV made me do a double take because I was behind this specific car yesterday at a stop light 10 miles away. I know it was the same SUV because it had those little stick people figures on the back window. 4 little girls, a baby, and 2 dogs. I noticed because duh...that's like a lot of people and wow 4 girls and aww I wonder if the baby is a boy and wow 2 dogs too...they are crazy like we are. Cool. So I remembered the car...but seriously this is Atlanta area it's not like it's a tiny town, so it struck me as odd. Because hello same car 10 miles away. But it also made me think about all the other times I have had that happen. Like several times--not with this car but other cars. Both here and when we lived in TN. And then I thought about really how small the world can be and how I often see a person at one store, go to a next store and see them there too. And that's just the people I remember...how many more run a parallel life to me, at least some of the time. It's a lot to think about really. I don't know what it all means for me...or why I see these people multiple times thru a plethora of so many other people. It probably means nothing other than to show me that I am not alone and neither are they....no one is. But sometimes I want to walk up to them and say "hey so I saw you last week, and then again yesterday, and wow here you are again today...so am I crazy or does it just seem obvious that we should meet? Yes, your right I am probably just crazy but you have to admit so is this situation. Wait you didn't notice me...hmm ok well this is uncomfortable." So I have yet to walk up to one of these random strangers--because really that's just not my style, like at all. Though random note, most people do not believe me when I tell them I am crazy shy. No really I am I swear. Really. Anyway--I don't talk to strangers and I think that maybe I just notice people for whatever reason call it more observant. Probably something simple like I should really watch the road better instead of checking out the car next to me.

Pay attention...be observant. Does this happen to you?

(picture: sometime in 2009--please disregard dirty dishes on the counter and clean dishes in the sink ;) )

12 on 2sday

1. It's raining here. Finally. The windows are open there is a breeze and rain on the leaves. Awesome. Yes.

2. I am on the ball with adoption paperwork. Mover and a groover that is me.

3. We met with a psychologist this past week for our analysis, she has adopted children herself and gave us some wonderful thinks to think about and realize. It was great.

4. I am going to get caught up on pictures THIS.WEEK. I mean it.

5. Our house is coming together piece by piece...furniture in the dining room--mission complete. Furniture in the sunroom--mission underway.

6. I have discovered Pandora. Seriously. Cool.

7. I also got a Droid this past week....more cool. (Note to self:this is not part of the saving money thing)

8. My dad is moving here. I think this is great. Except when it's not.

9. This past Friday he took Gavin to school for me so I could attend Jakeb's field trip....he couldn't find Gavin's shoes so he sent him to school in soccer cleats. Zachary's soccer cleats. Gavin is 4. Zachary is 6. They were cleats. Cleats that he found in the guest bedroom closet. For the record Gavin's shoes were in his closet...in the room with his name on the wall. And I have a phone, a new phone in fact.

10. Random fact: I am neurotic particular about how my kids are dressed. Very particular.

11. I am loving getting to kick it with my Gbabes. Today we hit up craft time at the library and lunch at the Chick--which I eat at at least 3 times a week. (this is also not saving money--grr)

12. My grandfather had a bird clock in his bedroom--not a cuckoo clock, just a regular ole clock with hands and a battery and a face--but at each number is a bird. And on the hour whatever bird it's on that bird makes a noise. And right now the American Robin just let me know it's 7pm. I don't know where to hang this clock...it doesn't match my house, so it's sitting behind my desk and I think I like it right here by me. But it deserves a home on the wall.

From behind the bus.

This past week was field trip central at the boys school. Wednesday I loaded my happy self into the caravan of cars following the big yellow bus down 10 lanes of traffic, thru Atlanta traffic at rush hour for a day of exploring at Zoo Atlanta. Now folks any city at rush hour pretty much blows, Atlanta however is known for traffic. This day was no different and we were left with 5 seconds to run thru the zoo and meet for lunch. Not really but it sure went by fast. And for the record Atlanta traffic isn't that bad it's just that 10-12 lanes of slow moving traffic is a bit more daunting that 4-6. Anyway...It was good times hanging out with 6 and 7 year old monkeys and Zachary seemed to have a grand ole' time. The highlight was holding the map and finding the god forsaken KOMODO DRAGON, because omg we asked to see it like 14356342 times....and do you know what 6 and 7 year old boys do when they do finally see the Komodo Dragon behind the glass laying on concrete not moving? Exactly...shrug and walk off. Cool. But overall the trip was cool, just getting to hang out with my boy and his peeps is fun so yeah. The kids are cute and they say things like "yeah my mom is on a diet" and "well my dad couldn't come because he didn't have enough money...or maybe he just didn't want to". I mean that alone is worth the trip and the $8.50. Yet makes me wonder what Zachary says when I am not around, I just won't think about that. Good times with my Zman even if he talks smack about me behind my back. I still love to kick it with him and his buddies.

Jakeb's class had a trip to Amicalola Falls State Park. Same idea...parents in their cars following the bus...however this was down windy roads in the fall sans traffic. Which is basically right up my ally. So the drive was nice. And despite already having gone to the park, I was looking forward to checking out the 3rd graders and see just what being 8 and 9 is all about in 2010. Pretty much the same just lots more usage of the word "Dude" than I recall. And I learned quite a bit about O'possum's and how surprisingly snugly they are when they aren't smashed into the blacktop. Granted I didn't get to hold one but park lady held and cuddled that little Petunia possum like she was a itty bitty baby and it wasn't that weird really. Did you know that don't really hang upside down and sleep in the tree's? And that if they didn't turn into roadkill or get eaten by like every other animal in the happy forest they could potentially have 40,000 descendants from one possum. No that's not a typo. Wow. So 3rd graders are interesting. It seems that they start maturing emotionally a bit more about this age and some are jumping into this progression already and some...not so much. Mine being one of them. I overheard the discussion of the usage of Mom vs. Mommy. Apparently in 3rd grade "Mommy" is not cool, "Mom" cool. So when Jakeb proceeded to call me "Mommy" 47 times at lunch I wanted to educate him on the cool factor...but his pals didn't notice, so I resisted the urge to rescue him from his sure fate of forever being exiled for referring to me as Mommy. But dang that sucks, because in 3rd grade groups and coolness starts and that is just no fun. However the field trip was fun and Jakeb had a good time and we jetted out of there early and fully educated on possum's and proper parental namage. And again it was good to kick it with my 8 year old and his buds. Who for the record are just as mature as Jakeb---and still rock the air light saber complete with sound effects and fully prepared fighting moves. Little boys for a little while longer, be still my heart. I did ask Jakeb if he thought he should call me Mom now instead of Mommy....and he thought probably he should, so he and Zachary said that a few times until we decided it sounded weird. So I am Mommy for just a little while longer.