Roughly once a month or every 2 weeks or something I seem to hit my boiling point with all things life and house wifery and mothering. I get frustrated and upset and tired and overwhelmed and just all of it. I vent I have my "temper tantrum" and I move on and the next day--hour? I feel better. Much like other folks (I almost typed much like grown ups....like what I am isn't grown up..) their jobs and just life. It boils and that's good but sometimes I walk away and it overflows and that is so hard. No moments of rest or it's overflowing.
Today I have a mild headache and I am tired. Tired of waking up all.night.long. But at the same time not tired of waking up all.night.long. because while I complain or vent or gripe or whatever this is exactly what I want. But letting things just go is so hard for me...because while I let them go in the back of my mind I know that when I do get to it the next day it's going to be twice as much. And sometimes that's ok...but today {and yesterday} I am frustrated. I don't even know exactly what about other than the usual. The bathrooms are dirty and I have attempted a few dozen mini "projects" only to be interrupted by a baby needing holding or a big boy needing attention. So there things sit and even as I type this I know it's really silly but oy at the same time just oy.
It's dreary out and the kids have been sick and my head isn't happy and today right at this very moment I feel overwhelmed at all things house. The kid part is the easy part really it's doing the kid part and the house part and the taking care of people and things part that is trying. All of it together is a lot and it's just a lot.
And I keep making promises--I promise we will do it, just not right now. I don't know when but I promise we will. I need to work on some videos with Jakeb and Zachary wants to do the science kit gifts we got him for Christmas {one of which is from 2 Christmas' ago}. And Gavin just wants to talk and count his money and Nolan needs to be fed or held. I need to clean and pick up and why in the world is there gum still on a window I can't reach and a sticky frog on the ceiling and why are we sick again and why can't the dogs learn to wipe their paws. But such is life and it's busy and good...really good it is. But sometimes I need to stop and just stop and life doesn't and while I reach back out to get back on the swing I get disoriented and there I sit in the whirlwind and today, right now that's where I am. Caught and stuck. Boiling over.
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