Missing.

My aunt emailed me this picture this past week. I wasn't expecting to receive it and there it was, Pappy on my screen looking just like I always remember him. Happy and on his porch. Smiling his genuine smile and there. Being here makes them being gone easier. It's like I am just out of state and they are still there...their house is still their house, I am just away. But it's not real....what's real is that they really are gone. I don't get to cut his hair again wearing Grandma's genealogy apron. I don't get to sit and chat with my grandmother while she drinks her coffee and makes us dinner. Instead I try to forget but try to remember in the same breath. Instead Gavin sits in her chair and eats breakfast every morning. It's his favorite spot...GiGi's chair at the bar. Instead I get to make Grandma's meatloaf for my dad and my guys and share with them how she used to make this for me when I would come over so many times because she knew it was my favorite. Even when for a little while it wasn't and I would never tell her...but she always made it because it was my favorite. And for Robert she would make fried okra and spaghetti. I make her spaghetti and it's never the same but always reminds me of her. They were so much of my life and they still are but in a very different way. I wish I could tell them that...again. Just that. Thank you. I love you, I miss you, but thank you. Infinity derf 100 Thank yous.