Criminal

In 1999 I got busted at a bar in Murfreesboro for drinking...Do the math, I was 19. I was pretty stupid about it really because I saw the guy--knew he was an undercover cop and being the genius that I was I proceded to shove my unstamped hand in my pocket, pick up my beer, and walk right past him. "Can I see your id?" he asked. I responded with the usual "it's uh in the car.?" Problem was I was so obviously not 21 and I was obviously drinking. Duh. So I knew it was no use and gave it up in about 5 seconds. Two of my friends caught my eye and despite my head shaking and eyes that were clearly saying "stay away!!" they thought I needed rescuing from the old man who was so obviously hitting on me, except he wasn't and they got busted too. Oops. Thanks guys and um sorry.
Anyway fast forward 12 years almost to the day and we are working on adopting a foreign child. Yay us! Boo Rachel. Now this minor infraction won't hold up the adoption, I am not worried about that. But trying to track it down holy guacamole pinto's and beans! (I flippin' love Skippyjon Jones people) *I* being the honest, truthful person that I am (no really I am!) said to agency lady and home study lady..."Hey so way back in the day...I thought I was smart and cool and I drank and I got busted...and yeah...so is that an issue?" Issue? No, probably not. Buuttt you are going to have to get a record of it aaaannnd write out a "letter of remorse". Basically saying...sorry I drank 12 years ago and got busted and it didn't happen again.
But dang folks I feel like a straight up hardened criminal over this minor eensy weensy incident. Except I am not because I had traffic tickets that cost more and I didn't even get arrested and I barely had any alcohol in my system because let's face it I was 19 and I was drinking beer and basically I hated beer and was probably really only drinking it to be oh so cool. Except I really wasn't. And I really wish I could just bop on back to September 1999 and whisper into little Rachel's teenage head and say hey stupid..."Don't pick up that beer and walk by that guy, cus seriously what part of that sounds like it's intelligent" and maybe a few extra somethings like "stop being an idiot and go to class" and "cancel those damn credit cards!"
But basically I can't do that and I am pretty sure I am not a criminal--at least the lady at the sheriff's department didn't think so because she says I have no record. Duh. Yay Rachel.

(and maybe I would also tell little Rachel to lay off the french fries and sodas...damn skinny teenager.)