Well now.

I should be writing now to tell you about our wonderful vacation this past week and how we managed to score tickets to disney. Or show you the bedding we picked out for baby girl and her name.

Instead I will tell you how we have 3 gorgeous healthy boys and found out 3'ish weeks ago that we will be having a baby girl who would be spoiled rotten by everyone. This morning we loaded up into the car and all headed out for the official peek at baby girl to get some measurements and make sure everything looked at it should. The good news everything does in fact look as it should...the funny news Baby girl is in fact Baby BOY. Mmmmhmmm apparently baby boy thought he was a funny one and hid his boy parts during our first ultrasound. Now a quick run down on how I am handling this news...A) I am not upset that baby is a boy. B) I am upset I lost what I thought was a daughter. C) That sounds confusing because I didn't technically loose a thing... This morning I was fine and dandy laughing about it and saying I KNEW I didn't trust that ultrasound from the second she said it was a girl. Which is also comical because my "gut instinct" said it was a girl--yet when they said it was a girl I was convinced it was wrong. But I tried to relax and trust they were right...I mean really I even forced myself to buy clothes. Ok maybe forced is a stretch but I let myself trust enough to get excited and buy clothes and pick out bedding....and trust it wasn't wrong and that wouldn't happen to us on top of everything else that has transpired over the past couple weeks. No way. Needless to say this afternoon I am not so fine and dandy. I am excited to meet this baby boy (and maybe ground him for being a sneak) but at the same time I am heartbroken that I lost my little girl. What is worse is I feel guilty for feeling this way --after all we have 3 fantastic little boys. (i might add I lost it on them when they were burping loudly in the car....this may or may not have helped send me over the edge this afternoon)

So yeah....Had I been told from the first ultrasound It's a Boy! I would be not feeling this at all...but imagining a little girl, shopping for a little girl, and having that taken away. Not fun.

And that's the truth of it....excited yes but at the same time heartbroken. It's quite conflicting.