Still spinning...

I keep having to remind myself of what has happened. It seems so gosh darn sudden to me and I just can't seem to wrap my head around it. I think I am still fairly numb. Don't get me wrong I have sobbed and cried but I just feel like I haven't "gotten" it. It's so weird to think of my life with out her in it. It's like it's not possible so this just can't be real. That's exactly how I feel, but I have to keep telling myself...not this IS real, this really did happen. And it's odd because it's not like she was young and it's not like I didn't know going into this (her cancer treatments) that this wasn't a very strong possibility. She was so incredibily weak phsyically already that I almost couldn't imagine her body handling all the drugs. And it didn't. :( But it still is such an incredible shock to me. It all seems so fast. Saturday after the burial I was sitting at their house and it struck me that a week ago (from that point) she was walking around the house doing her daily things and now we have just buried her. It was so fast, I guess that's how it always is really. I went over to their house today to help my aunt go thru some of her personal things. My aunt said that she's been told that the sooner you do it the easier it is...don't know if that is true we didn't get thru too much. I have to bags full of clothing that she wore, I imagine it will stay in the bags for a great while before I can actually manage to bring it out and wear it or do anything with it. It so weird being there, my grandfather looks so sad and broken hearted. He talks and seems ok but his eyes just ache. Even being in the house it I had to remind myself "she's not here". Heck even now.